Vanityofvanities

Memories...

2010-01-11T01:48:00.001-08:00

Shining Blade says:
that was fast
Emmett says:
i strong
1-25
Shining Blade says:
pray??
Emmett says:
the matthew
erm
forgot
i pray now
Shining Blade says:
shut down
think about what you learnt
as in really quiet
Emmett says:
lol
learn about who was whose son
-_-
Shining Blade says:
it's really like a love story between you and God when you do that
Emmett says:
like weird
Shining Blade says:
not you, yourself and you,
but you, your bible, and God
when u quieten yourself, read slowly
take as long as u need
Emmett says:
but what to noe about the sons
Shining Blade says:
then time goes really peacefully and satisfying
14 generations
or is it 12?
Emmett says:
yap
14
Shining Blade says:
can't remember
anyway, 14 and another 14 generations is a lot, and how did Matthew know all those people?
Emmett says:
no idea
Shining Blade says:
see, bible is people write one, but who inspire?
Emmett says:
god
Shining Blade says:
so why God bother listing down the ancestors of Jesus?
of David?
Emmett says:
let ppl noe?
Shining Blade says:
noe wad
Emmett says:
noe who is who
who do what
Shining Blade says:
but those are just names
when i quiten down and think
i learn that God prepared all this beforehand
from Abraham, to David, to Jesus, it was all planned out in God's will
Emmett says:
but y
Shining Blade says:
He knew each of them, and it's like a reminder
on what happened on the old testament
abraham, what happened to him?
Emmett says:
he learn bout chirst
Shining Blade says:
then after this, there was this time God tell abraham to kill his own son isaac
which he almost did
but then God finally told him to stop
remember this story?
Emmett says:
i heard before
Shining Blade says:
then there was jacob
Emmett says:
the son also right
Shining Blade says:
this guy play WWF with God
like a funny
Emmett says:
wwe
no more wwf liao
Shining Blade says:
lol, but his wrestling was not for entertainment
Emmett says:
ya
Shining Blade says:
u noe where in the bible this is written?
Emmett says:
dunno
got some str
Shining Blade says:
that jacob like a sad, then God let jacob vent it on God
Emmett says:
lol
Shining Blade says:
then God put a reminder on Jacob
He touch Jacob's leg
Emmett says:
-_-
Shining Blade says:
and for the rest of his life jacob was limping
Emmett says:
wtf
then what happen
Shining Blade says:
ps was afk
Emmett says:
-_-
Shining Blade says:
well before that, we see what happened even before
see jacob was in love with this woman called Rachel
Emmett says:
can change to emmett?
Shining Blade says:
but then her father wanted him to prove his worth
Emmett says:
hahah
Shining Blade says:
lol the bible is more closer to us than we think
anyway, so jacob stay in rachel's father's house
Emmett says:
then
Shining Blade says:
oh
then the father make him work for him seven year
years
Emmett says:
wa
Shining Blade says:
then the father let jacob marry his daughter
but then the father trick jacob!
it's her daughter alright,.
but the other one!
Leah
Emmett says:
-_-
Shining Blade says:
then jacob saded, and the father make jacob work for him another seven years
Emmett says:
wa bad sia
Shining Blade says:
so in the end, jacob married rachel too
but the bible says jacob loved rachel more than leah
Emmett says:
of cos la
Shining Blade says:
than God ZEK AK, let Leah give birth to babies, then made Rachel like a infertile
Emmett says:
zek ak?
Shining Blade says:
no la i meant cruel, like a joke
Emmett says:
so jacob got 2 wife?
Shining Blade says:
no cos God's will too pro for us to understand
Emmett says:
one leah rachel the 2nd wife?
Shining Blade says:
yup, last time people got more than 1 wife
ya
Emmett says:
ya
Shining Blade says:
sisters oso
Emmett says:
wa
jia lat
Shining Blade says:
anyway, then in the end Rachel became jealous cos she cannot bear children
Emmett says:
lol
Shining Blade says:
then she tell jacob to sleep with Rachel's servant called Bilhah, to bear children for Rachel
-.-
Emmett says:
wa
so jacob like some sex machine ar
Shining Blade says:
then to top it off, God made Leah infertile at that point
ya lol
Emmett says:
y sia
Shining Blade says:
then Leah oso copy cat, cos her turn to become jealous
Emmett says:
lol
Shining Blade says:
then Leah gave jacob her servant Zilpah to bear jacob a son
Emmett says:
lol
they like rich
got servant
Shining Blade says:
then after that, God made Leah fertile again
then Leah bore jacob another son
Emmett says:
lol
so got how many liao sia
4 or 5?
Shining Blade says:
let's see
Leah at first
Emmett says:
rachel servant 2nd
Shining Blade says:
4 sons
Emmett says:
4
Shining Blade says:
Leah 4 sons
Emmett says:
wa
leah
4 sons
Shining Blade says:
then rachel's servant 2 sons
Emmett says:
lol 6 in total
Shining Blade says:
then leah's servant 2 sons
Emmett says:
8
Shining Blade says:
then leah another 2 sons
Emmett says:
lol wont get sexual diease ar
10
Shining Blade says:
same people wad
Emmett says:
4 diff ppl
Shining Blade says:
then finally, Rachel prayed at last to God, then God listen to her
bear a son for jacob
his name is Joseph
Emmett says:
11
joseph the father of jesus?
Shining Blade says:
no, not joseph
is judah
Emmett says:
-_-
ok judah the betrayer?
or issit judas
Shining Blade says:
no, judas iscariot is the betrayer, not to be born for another 2000 years
lol
is judah
Emmett says:
lol
ok
Shining Blade says:
anyway, all these sons never include daughters
then in the end, jacob bore another son
so altogether 12 sons
before i tell u to turn to Genesis chapter 32, verses 22 to 32,
where jacob played wwf God,
what happened was that God changed his name to Israel.
Emmett says:
for?
Shining Blade says:
so the twelve sons are the 12 tribes of Israel!
Emmett says:
wa
Shining Blade says:
anyway, that's what we can remember from the first two names in the list
and God was playing a very active role in the other 14, to King David, and another 14
that's why God too pro to understand
Emmett says:
ooo
Shining Blade says:
so shut down ur com, pray, read genesis 32:22-32,
where Jacob wrestles with God
then think, and pray.
then God will open your eyes to something new today.

A little bit more...

2009-02-08T18:58:00.000-08:00

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1st of October 2008

2008-10-01T02:59:00.000-07:00

Today is a rather special day. It is the People's Republic of China's National Day, as well as Hari Raya Puasa. Both holidays pertaining to the two major races of my country, yet not many local Chinese would know of Mao Zedong's declaration of PRC.

Anyway, today is also Children's Day and Isaac's birthday. What a coincidence.

This holiday season, I've probed many things, but among others, I found the value of leaving words unsaid, patience being more than just a virtue, and the realization that the first step to becoming someone you wish to become is to admit that you're not that someone yet.

Other than that, I've learnt the importance of not expecting to be treated differently. The reasoning behind that will be left for another day, but I'll still put this here just to remind myself should I come poring over these old archives!

There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither slave nor free, there is no male and female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus.
And if you are Christ's, then you are Abraham's offspring, heirs according to promise.

27th September 2008

2008-09-27T06:08:00.000-07:00

Ah, I wonder what I should spend my remaining holidays on? Let's see whether I can do something really productive...

0.o
o.0
???

7th August 2008

2008-08-07T04:25:00.000-07:00

Wow wow wow! Everyone presented their own songs on Tuesday; it was breathtaking! Seriously, 1/3 of the songs played can be hit songs! But then, my song sucked because I sang it, but still got good grade because of mixing and recording techniques, ahaha...

The best song was by this super experienced classmate, who has got his own recording studio at home; and his song was epic! Classically trained choir voice for padding, excellent synthesizer comping, stellar violin played by a very talented guy, but okay piano, and super drums; the mix being so good with that sense of space expertly set, is was really great!

Can't wait for next year, where we get to learn on evenly spacing out mixes and such!

4th May August

2008-08-04T05:52:00.000-07:00

I think I can, I think I can, I think I can...

Just four more days to end of all the projects! Then one more slack week to one and a half months of holidays!

Hang in there!

===
Anyway, Festival of Praise was awesome! And to think that I thought Saturday was awesome, Sunday was totally beyond description! Me and Jonathan were very startled when we heard a tune that sounded like the intro of Swithcfoot's On Fire being played by Parachute Band as their first song. Then we went warm and fuzzy all over when they the song indeed is On Fire! And soon enough, we went totally "OMG!" when people all over the stadium joined in the song instantaneously after the first three words "I'm on fire" were sung. Like, so many people know this song!?

And then the sermon was earthshaking, as usual, and there was a finale that the previous days did not have; both the Parachute Band and Hillsong team joined in a super combo! Then there were like this crazy section at the beginning of the end, where both drummers caused the whole stadium to tremble for like 32 bars of fanfare; they passed the limelight between each other, with perfect synchronization! They even doubled the kick drum by having one play on the upbeat, with the other on the offbeat (which is actually quite difficult), and the combined kicks were so fast it sounded like a canon with a machine gun firing mechanism!

The finale started off with the phrase "Shine your light and let the whole world see; we're singing for the glory of the risen king!" and then the heart warming "Saviour, He can move the mountains; My God is mighty to save, Jesus; mighty to save". It was utterly indescribable how powerful it was. The gates were opened and people started running to the floor, and everywhere around the stadium, people jumped, and the platform we were in started to creak, but we did not mind that. The famous riff of "Salvation is Here" sparked the next movement, and there were instances where a guy from Hillsong held the chords of the guitar while another person from Parachute Band strummed the same guitar. It was hilarious, inspiring and heartwarming all in one! And lo and behold, "One Way" started, and it was really long, this one. I won't even bother to describe it. I'd say, if heaven was praising God like this for eternity, I can't wait to tell the world that Jesus lives!

14th July 2008

2008-07-14T06:55:00.000-07:00

As usual, after school every Monday, I went for the lesson at my piano teacher's house. Everything seemed normal until when I went inside the bungalow and started to put down my bag, I spotted from the corner of my eye, a rectangular shape of fur running towards me. Inevitably, it bumped into my feet and recoiled a little from the sudden halt. Then it stood on its hind legs and started prodding its nose at my legs, and next my feet; even my bag could not escape its inescapable snout. From a whole day of school, as well as a recent 10 minutes walk under the sun, my socks were definitely admittedly smelly. Yet that wasn't deterrence enough for that tough little fella.

Cut a long story short, my piano teacher's family got themselves a papillon puppy! Standing at a proud 30 cm, with a long silky black and white coat, a bushy tail that curves over its back, and ears shaped like the wings of a butterfly, I met 3 months old Noah. Will upload pictures next week! My phone ran out of battery. -_-"

While I walked the gauntlet up to the teaching room at the second floor, that little pipsqueak tailed behind my legs, sometimes, to my horror sneaking in between my moving legs. If it could think like me, it would most probably be saying "olé!" to itself. Multiple puppy horror moments later, the maid promptly appeared and carried it away.

The same thing happened after the lesson when I was about to leave. It smelled me coming, raised its head from its prone position like all dogs do when they sense something approaching, got up to its legs and tiptoed towards my position. My evasive maneuvers were no match for its superior strafing skills, and I was soon assaulted by its olfactory organ once more. Don't ask me what that means, check dictionary.com! That's where I get all these cool but weird words from.

Today's event brought back a lot of memories, to more than twelve years ago, when I entered the very same house, mini umbrella in hand poised and ready to strike on any delinquent canine. I heard a high pitched bark, and distinguished those menacing butterfly ears. Soon after, little Mozart came charging out of the door, circled yours truly, who was trying my utmost best effort to defend myself from the cage of its white and black blur. Well, at least that was all I recall.

I might reminisce that truly, time motivates the unseen finger to turn the pages of my version of the world's story, and every now and then, a new chapter begins. Even though mine has only begun 18 years ago, many things have happened, that up to date, still continue to amaze and touch me.

I witnessed Mozart, another papillon puppy from an earlier age, grow to become the hero guardian of the house it was. It, too, observed me grow into the big bulk that I am now. Well not exactly now, because it passed away roughly two years ago.

I can't explain the emotion that I'm feeling right now. It isn't really grief, nor is it nostalgia, but it still gives me teary eyes. Though other than breed, they are not really related, but still, in Noah's eyes, I see Mozart's ghostly visage. The past comes floating through my mind; youthful exuberance, crazy fantasies and Friday nights; shattered dreams, wounded hearts and broken toys.

I wonder where do such faithful pets go after they die. Would I see Mozart, Noah, Iggy or even Teddy many years from now? Nevertheless, I trust God's perfect plan. Once again, somehow seemingly unrelated events cause me to stand in awe of God.

It rains because time passes by, never to be seen again. Yet the sun shines, as time has been God's tool in molding me into what I am. Thus, there is a rainbow in my heart.

For the first time; ShiningBlade, signing off. God bless.

2nd July 2008

2008-07-02T04:22:00.000-07:00

Life is never easy. A lot of things to have to handle with, it's really taxing. Gotta juggle so many things, and sudden changes in our life are not easy to deal with. Indeed, as soon as I was born into this world; as soon as everyone is born into this world, hearts beat. It cannot stop for even a few minutes without putting lives in danger. This goes on and on, for years; maybe fifty, maybe sixty, maybe seventy. Could be much less, or much more. But as long as you live, your heart cannot rest, until the day you die; by then you would not even notice it stop. Life is never easy.

But then, God knew me before my heart started beating. Well, he knew me even before I was formed in my mother's womb. I dare admit that He knows me more than I know myself. He knows what I really need, not what I think I need. My life is changing everyday, every possible way. How God shapes me, it's just wonderful; indescribable. Even though I am still not perfect; I doubt I will ever be, it still inspires me how just one single classmate has changed so much and had been so willing to come to Christ. How humble he is, I must learn. So sincere and poor in spirit is he. Even though he has bad habits and must learn to be patient, and good-tempered I can see miracles happening everyday. Thank you God for such wonderful experiences.

Cranberries - Dreams
Oh my life is changing everyday
Every possible way
Though my dreams, it’s never quite as it seems
Never quite as it seems

I know I felt like this before
But now I’m feeling it even more
Because it came from you

Then I open up and see
The person fumbling here is me
A different way to be

I want more, impossible to ignore
Impossible to ignore
They’ll come true, impossible not to do
Impossible not to do

Now I tell you openly
You have my heart so don’t hurt me
For what I couldn’t find

Talk to me amazing mind
So understanding and so kind
You’re everything to me

Oh my life is changing everyday
Every possible way
Though my dreams, it’s never quite as it seems
’cause you’re a dream to me
Dream to me

You can download this song for free at http://www.paradise-engineering.com/quotation/dreams.html
It's really nice, recommend it.

21 June 2008

2008-06-20T21:52:00.000-07:00

O Thou, the Breath, the Light of All,

Let this Light create a heart-shrine within.

And you Counsel rule 'til Oneness guides all'.

Your One desire then acts with ours, as in all light, so in all forms.

Grant what we need, each day, in bread and insight.

Loose the cords of mistakes binding us, as we release the strands we hold of other's faults.

Don't let surface things delude us.

But keep us from unripe acts.

To you belongs the ruling mind,

the life than can act and do,

the song that beautifies all,

from age to age it renews.

In faith, I will to be true.

This is a translation of the Lord's Prayer from Syriac Aramaic, which is possibly the closest existing version to the prayer that Jesus spoke, in contrast to the more common "Our Father in heaven, hallowed be your Name" translation.

I remember that a few days ago, I visited Isaac's house, straight after piano lesson. Being the wuss that I am, I was very straightforward in declaring my state of hunger, since I hadn't eaten breakfast, and lunchtime was almost over. My polar opposite in terms of noisiness, he very promptly fried a bowl of ham and eggs for me. I was took over by surprise, both by his hospitality and his culinary skills (okay, as well as the overwhelming portion of oil... Just kidding!). All in all, I didn't manage to achieve much in terms of tutoring Isaac. I guess I make a better comedian, but then I wouldn't do very well with such a career choice anyway. Isaac, what you really need now, is to put effort in. Read aloud, and refrain from excessive internet surfing. More specifically, anime. I believe you'll have all the time in the world to watch afterwards. At least until the start of tertiary education. =)

I personally hoped that he would be able to join us for the retreat/camp on next Friday though. It really rocks to be able to have friends who stay true with you even after ending education. Close friends, with whom I can talk about, more than the best skills to use in DoTA or Company of Heroes, more than what to do or where to go after class or CCA, more than the chio bu sitting opposite the classroom (XD).

But of course, such a fellowship isn't always peaceful and smooth. True, our planet is prone to natural disasters, but in my opinion, EVERYTHING that is on this world is afflicted with "earth"-quakes and tsunamis. Electrical devices, schoolwork, politics, marriage, etc. So this is where prayer comes in.

My friends, I beseech you once more. Pray for me. I don't want to leave a bad influence on others. I don't want to be insincere. I don't want to be the cause of heated arguments. I want to be a better ambassador of Christ in my school, and that I would not feel pressurized and discouraged when pre-believers mock me. This vessel of mine wants to be a servant to the only person who sees clearly all the sides of me, not just the good, nor just the bad, but the wretched and broken side of me.

There are so many prayer meetings globally that many of us would know the power of prayer. That doesn't mean that when more people pray, there would be more favor/power/mana to ensure success of the prayer. What I'm convicted in, however, is that whenever I pray for others, whenever I join in such prayer meetings, my faith is strengthened. Praying for others does not set me apart from the rest; it keeps me humble, helps me feel significant, and influences me to rely more on Him. So, my brothers and sisters, would you pray with me?

My life may be shaken by storms, and the boat we travel in may be shaken by the devil, but I'm so glad I have Him in my life, and He uses weak people like me to be glorified and show his omnipotence in creating order from chaos. And I just wanted to remind you; you have God in your life too! With Christ in the vessel, we can smile at the storm!

11th June 2008

2008-06-11T04:57:00.000-07:00

I'm thinking of an idea to write a song for my assignment. But I am in a loss here. Maybe I need inspiration. So, I wanted to compose a song with the title of "Let the Healing Begin", but found out that the title was already taken up. So maybe I will name it "Let it Regenerate". Lyrics? I need help. Let's see...

Verse 1
I'll dwell no longer in this ward of mine
The bill's too high for my folks
It'll be his birthday 'fore the week is past
When I am gone, will he love me too

Verse 2
All he asked was a world without strife
He saw refugee camps, hostile guards and rats
An altar call to be a human bomb
The news reported, "Children killed in suicide attack"

Pre-chorus 1
Why, O Lord, do you stand far away
Why do you hide in our times of dismay

Chorus 1
Have we alienated from ourselves
Diverted one another
It's time to stop our running
Let it Regenerate

Bridge
The Being that can act and do
The Song that beautifies all things
The Hand that picks everyone off from the floor
And has the strength to carry all

Pre-chorus 2
What must I do, to renew our broken hearts
What can we do, to bring hope to this fallen land

Chorus 2
Have we alienated from ourselves
Diverted one another
It's time to face all our fears
Let it Regenerate
Hear my call, my brother
I need you here by my side
Hear my call, my sister
We're not in this alone

My first verse saw it's inspiration from a note left over by a married female who was 59 years of age. She stayed in hospital for more than two months and her condition was worsening despite of expensive treatment. She committed suicide days before his husband's birthday. (http://www.well.com/~art/suicidenotes.html)

My second verse was from from a poem I once read by Richard Macwilliam which talked about how the media always depicts terrorists as pure bad guys, but does not reveal their side of the story; of how the strong shows the weak no generosity other than in being more significant.

The first pre-chorus can be found in Psalms 10:1 by King David. He cries out because of all the wickedness and arrogance present in the world, yet understands that the time is not yet right for judgment to be passed.

The chorus was from a Crossroads meeting (part of my CCA) I went, and the speaker reasoned and logically deduced how we've alienated from nature, from one another, and ourselves.

The bridge was formed in awe and wonder of God, though his actions and "passivity" are beyond our understanding, never fails to deliver in the end.

The second pre-chorus was born from the need of so many people around the world, and the sudden realization of how insignificant I am.

The final part comes from a phrase I always keep inside my heart. "If He carried the weight of the world upon his shoulder, I know, my brother, that He will carry you; if He carried the weight
of the world upon his shoulder, I know, my sister, that He will carry you."

Argh. Hopefully this song can be accepted for the assignment. Argh. So long a song. Tune or comments, anyone?

9th June 2008

2008-06-09T06:20:00.001-07:00

赐自由的灵啊，求你来
来到我的里面，来到我的生命
赶走生活中的愁烦
驱走我心中的不安
你的灵啊，在哪里
哪里就有自由
世界虽有劳苦重担
求你灵来赐我自由

4th June 2008

2008-06-04T05:25:00.000-07:00

I listened to a story that talked about a guy operating a bridge over a river in Pennsylvania; whose job was to raise the bridge when a ship wanted to cross, and lower the bridge if a train was approaching to get to the other side. One day, he brought his grandson to his workplace, so that the little guy could observe his grandfather's workplace. However, unbeknownst to them, the last train scheduled for that day was to be late. As they waited for the train to approach, the grandson insisted on fishing from the superstructure of the bridge. After repeated requests, the grandfather finally allowed his son to go; provided that he stay within his sight. When the train finally came, the grandfather activated the mechanism to lower the bridge, but lost sight of the boy. Much later, he saw his grandson's baggy overalls caught in the gear assembly that elevated the bridge. By then, it was too late to stop the lowering bridge without causing the train to fall into the river. Left without a choice, he saw his grandson crushed to death before the train passed over the river. Back then, those people were not aware of the sacrifice the bridge operator had done to allow them to live.

The full story can be read in http://www.thesonsetrefuge.org/Newsletters/Newsletter%203.pdf
At the section; A God of Sacrifice.

For someone who sacrificed his own grandson to save the lives of people he didn't know; it isn't easy. It's touching, but ultimately it makes us think.

So, i just want to pray to God for all the things that I've been through.

Lord, we need your grace and mercy
We need to pray like never before
We need the power of your Holy Spirit
To open heaven's door

Lord, we humbly come before you
We don't deserve of you what we ask
But we yearn to see your glory
Restore this dying land

Spirit touch your church, stir the hearts of men
Revive us, Lord, with your passion once again
I want to care for others like Jesus cares for me
Let your rain fall upon me,
Let your rain fall upon me

22nd May 2008

2008-05-22T06:34:00.000-07:00

You see, one of my friends in my class also started learning guitar not too long ago. Then he was trying play a D minor chord. Yup, even though it looks easy, it stretched the fingers and causes quite a lot of strain.

The top string, the highest sounding note, is normally tuned to play an E note during an open string state. Hence, it is commonly referred to as an "E-string". However, some girl in my class had a bad habit of mistakenly calling it a "G-string". I have no idea why, but I guess that the G chord is one of the easiest to play, and during that chord, the top string plays a G note.

Anyway, the above mentioned guy (he's a very good friend of mine, and was sitting next to me) seemed to have strained both his fingers and the strings, the top string snapped off with a resounding "twang" in the middle of class. Because that girl was sitting on next to the other side of him, and was observing him struggling, she knew what happened. So when the whole class was startled, she announced out loudly across the entire room.

"He broke a G-string while fingering a minor!"

16th May 2008

2008-05-16T05:16:00.000-07:00

Dots once again went gym with Jony, Mett and Ming. This time the cousins brought along a friend, Joey. Expended all my energy running 3.4km in exactly 20 minutes; both meters reached showed those values within a fraction of a second. Still trying hard to make Emmett run. Wow, Jonathan's really strong. Then went Hougang Mall to eat. Why not coffee shop? Cheaper lehx. I no money liao, still need to pay $8 for someone's birthday gift... Not that I'm against it, but all these money issues always seem to have impeccable timing and occur simultaneously! Well, it's for a good cause, though. =)

I came down from the steps, lifted my head, and I saw her. She smiled at me, and I smiled at her. I was too surprised to do anything. I walked past her. And that's it. It's already been quite a while, I wonder whether your feelings are still there? Should I continue to wait on or leave for someone else?

8th May 2008

2008-05-08T06:47:00.000-07:00

The practice on 24th April went okay. We chose this Chinese song, with two vocalists, one clarinet and one keyboard for tomorrow's performance. I still remember, I used this little keyboard, plugged in to an amplifier. I'll admit it wasn't the best of equipment, but I've always been in much worse situations. Well, ya gotta make do with what ya got. So, the practice went smoothly, and after the practice, we had a little discussion where everyone voiced out their views, and suggested areas of improvement.

Well, today we had a "rehearsal" on the actual venue, the Moberly Amphitheater. Well, it's the second time I'm performing on that place, but I clearly don't remember the setting up of equipment taking two whole hours. It's just two keyboards, three mikes at most, one drum set which had two overhead mikes, two guitars, one bass and their amps. 2 hours; 120 minutes; 7200 seconds. Maybe it's the weather, or I suppose I was in a hurry for Campus Crusade's Vision Tea meeting, where me and David were in the worship team. That went smoothly, I might add. But anyway, for some reason that I also don't know, my group got to go inside Moberly Jamming studio and we polished on the vocalist's harmonics.

I think most people notice that when I play that light hearted Chinese song 发现爱, I tend to bounce my hands, so-called just bang random notes on the keyboard. While, most of the time. Yes, I understand that it's a bad habit, and that I shouldn't do it, but I can't help but just doing so like some beginner keyboardist, since the vocalists tend to give quite an eye treat. One male and one female, for the curious. I admit I'm wrong for taking this performance too light heartedly. But then, one of my seniors, a graduate was listening to us play. I had no problem with that, but after rehearsing once, and he definitely noted me play, because he left his seat and stood next to me, he made a few intriguing remarks.

"Are you self taught?"
"Nope."
"Are you classically trained?"
"Yup."
"I suppose you were classically trained by a teacher quite some time ago. Anyway, you tend to hold the sustain pedal until the end of the bar, which is alright, but if you play a wrong note, there would be dissonance."
"Okay."
"You should also look at the others when you are playing."
"No problem."
"Anyway, your technique is wrong."
"Hmm... Okay."

Fact is, I'm classically trained, and I still take piano lessons from my piano teacher and get her valuable guidance, mentoring and advice once per week in her house in Siglap, near Kembangan every Monday. Since playing the main accompaniment in the Angklung Ensemble during Primary 4, I've been trained to look at conductors or other members, even horizontally by using my peripheral vision. The reason I was able to hold down the pedal even during the most of the changing of chords was because there was no wrong note. Not that I could hear any, and many of those those chords fit together to form 9th or suspended chords, like C and G makes C9, used abundant in these "in the air" and romantic melodies, so no need to change the pedal prematurely. Yes, my technique for that song is wrong. Even 6 year olds can tell that playing with only my index finger (in some parts) and waving my arms with fingers straight as though I'm splashing water on a strangely dry pool that happened to have black and white keys, and very frequently releasing the keys instantly and using the sustain pedal to hold the notes are not quite professional ways of playing a keyboard.

I have performed enough times, be it in churches (children's/youth's/senior citizen's/main service/overseas etc), school events, posh concert halls full of paying adult audiences, music school's anniversary celebrations, simple gatherings in quite a few people's houses with derelict pianos where I had to play G, C and F# to get a chord sounding like C chord 2nd inversion. I've also accompanied choirs, played in bands, got last minute event fillers in between stage items, got dragged into pianos during dinner time and given song requests, title after title. If the person's unlucky, he's gotta hum or sing me the tune before I know what song he or she wants. Well, I can say that there are an abundance of very good musicians not just globally, but even in Singapore. And all that playing of the piano for more than 12 years has at least taught me not to declare out loud and after the performance the deficiencies of a musician not in your group or under your teaching, much less if it's only the first time.

Okay, maybe I'm going a little hard on this poor guy; I assume he only meant well. Ya, but we humans tend to remember only the bad stuff others say. But today was a great wake up call, reminding me of the need to be humble, and to stay focused in whatever I do. Of course, I'm the one to blame for my own inner strife. This event was not too bad, but many times in reality, the truth hurts, but then, the truth alone can't do much. What would really help would be the truth accompanied by love.

If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. And if I have prophetic powers, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give away all I have, and if I deliver up my body to be burned, but have not love, I gain nothing.

"Oh ya, and one last thing."
"Aha?"
"I like the way you just anyhow hit the keyboard, but you still sound alright and in sync with the others!"
=)

6th May 2008

2008-05-06T05:12:00.000-07:00

There are six things that the LORD hates, seven that are an abomination to him: haughty eyes, a lying tongue, and hands that shed innocent blood, a heart that devises wicked plans, feet that make haste to run to evil, a false witness who breathes out lies, and one who sows discord among brothers.

Whoever goes about slandering reveals secrets, but he who is trustworthy in spirit keeps a thing covered.

A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger. The tongue of the wise commends knowledge, but the mouths of fools pour out folly.

Whoever covers an offense seeks love, but he who repeats a matter separates close friends. A rebuke goes deeper into a man of understanding than a hundred blows into a fool.

A word fitly spoken is like apples of gold in a setting of silver. Like a gold ring or an ornament of gold is a wise reprover to a listening ear. Like the cold of snow in the time of harvest is a faithful messenger to those who send him; he refreshes the soul of his masters. Like clouds and wind without rain is a man who boasts of a gift he does not give.

The words of a whisperer are like delicious morsels; they go down into the inner parts of the body. Like the glaze covering an earthen vessel are fervent lips with an evil heart. Whoever hates disguises himself with his lips and harbors deceit in his heart; when he speaks graciously, believe him not, for there are seven abominations in his heart; though his hatred be covered with deception, his wickedness will be exposed in the assembly. Whoever digs a pit will fall into it, and a stone will come back on him who starts it rolling. A lying tongue hates its victims, and a flattering mouth works ruin.

If we put bits into the mouths of horses so that they obey us, we guide their whole bodies as well. Look at the ships also: though they are so large and are driven by strong winds, they are guided by a very small rudder wherever the will of the pilot directs. So also the tongue is a small member, yet it boasts of great things. How great a forest is set ablaze by such a small fire! And the tongue is a fire, a world of unrighteousness. The tongue is set among our members, staining the whole body, setting on fire the entire course of life, and set on fire by hell. For every kind of beast and bird, of reptile and sea creature, can be tamed and has been tamed by mankind, but no human being can tame the tongue. It is a restless evil, full of deadly poison. With it we bless our Lord and Father, and with it we curse people who are made in the likeness of God. From the same mouth come blessing and cursing. My brothers, these things ought not to be so. Does a spring pour forth from the same opening both fresh and salt water? Can a fig tree, my brothers, bear olives, or a grapevine produce figs? Neither can a salt pond yield fresh water.

Metallica

2008-05-04T07:09:00.000-07:00

... So many things happening, nothing to write about. These two events are mutually unacceptable, but who cares? Nothing Else Matters.

21st April 2008

2008-04-21T05:07:00.000-07:00

How do I know all these things, you ask? Well, it takes one to know one. =)
Six more weeks until a holidays, but it also means less than six weeks till the deadline of so many projects.

You have turned my mourning into dancing, you have turned my sorrow into joy!

Just that it takes so long to realize it, and I tend to forget this frequently.

13th April 2008

2008-04-13T03:49:00.000-07:00

Argh, before I even know it, school's already starting tomorrow. It's been four months since I last felt the Sunday Blues/School Blues/Blue's Clues/Whatever you call it. Ah well, at least one of my juniors in my secondary school CCA is taking the same course as me, a year my junior again. Haha, I can't wait to check out how all my juniors are like. =P

7th April 2008

2008-04-07T05:49:00.000-07:00

Lots of pigeons can be found around my house. Sneaky little fellows. They always watch you with one eye. You walk beyond that eye's field of vision, they turn their head and look at you with the other eye. Seems pretty awkward to me. How would you feel if I closed one eye and stared at you as you walked past me, later to find me looking at you with the other solitary eye?

Argh, school reopening next week. Looking at the bright side, I finally get to cut my hair; because I stupidly vowed to have it cut when school reopened.

27th March 2008

2008-03-26T18:54:00.000-07:00

Before I even know it, it's already Thursday. Gotta go two places today.

Faust, Midas and Myself is a song written by Switchfoot. When I found out what the names in the title represent, I was more than duly impressed. In German legend, Faust was a person who made a pact with the devil to attain the zenith of human happiness, at which point his soul may be taken. Midas, who is best remembered for the Midas touch, was a king who could turn whatever he touched into gold. In the end, even the food he was about to eat, as well as the people he touched, also turned into gold.

Myself referred to the composer, who placed himself into the shoes of these legends. He described how something lacks and the subsequent consequences. "A heart of gold can't really beat at all."

22nd March 2008

2008-03-22T03:23:00.000-07:00

10 days left until my best friend returns from Philippines. Of course, I have many best friends also other than him!

My bed is way too comfortable. I should stuff some wooden blocks inside the mattress to make it more up to mark. I want to wake up; this is not my Singaporean Dream. Yups, you've gots to be asleep to experience it.

'Ere we go, if ten people think you're drunk, don't drive. Up yours!

Passivity

2008-03-18T03:22:00.001-07:00

6th March 2008

2008-03-05T21:14:00.000-08:00

Argh. The more I read into His word, the more I realize how much I am falling way short of His standard. I really need to redouble my efforts, and must surrender to Him my wicked self.

I gotta cool it with my temper, that's a start. As for reconciling with my brother before offering my gift on the altar, I know too well how guilty as charged I am. My intentions alone, not the action itself in many situations are liable for judgment. It is not to be supposed that Christ intended the dismemberment of limbs and gouging of eyes to be taken literally, but abandoning our dearest objects that causes us to sin is so much harder than thought. Self-denial and sacrifice is impossible without divine aid.

Do not take oaths, that sounds easy enough. But letting a yes be yes, a no be no is going to take a very very long time to apply. Aha, so someone who wants to sue me and take my tunic should be offered my cloak. That's easy to say. Going two miles for someone who forces me to go one mile sounds easy; I walk quite a lot to Houggang Mall just for fun. However, I doubt it would be easy to do that for someone without mumbling five words for every step I take.

There are like so many beggars around the world, where can I find all the money to give them all? I think I'm really gonna be in big trouble if some guy wants to borrow the piano in my house for use elsewhere. If it's at my house, I'll gladly oblige, but how am I supposed to dismantle such a big object to fit through my narrow door to be towed away...
But of course, I too doubt that the passage meant this; here is e-sword's explanation.

This is the general rule. It is better to give sometimes to an undeserving person than to turn away one who is really in need. It is good to be in the habit of giving. At the same time, the rule must be interpreted so as to be consistent with our duty to our families and with other objects of justice and charity. It is seldom, perhaps never, good to give to a person who is able to work. To give to such is to encourage laziness, and to support the idle at the expense of the industrious. If such a one is indeed hungry, feed him; if he needs anything further, give him employment. If a widow, an orphan, a man of misfortune, or an infirmed man, lame, or sick, is at your door, never send any of them away empty. So this is true of a poor and needy friend that wishes to borrow. We are not to turn away or deny him. This deserves, however, some limitation. It must be done in consistency with other duties. To lend to every worthless man would be to throw away our property, encourage laziness and crime, and ruin our own families. It should be done consistently with every other obligation, and of this everyone is to be the judge. Perhaps our Saviour meant to teach that where there was a deserving friend or brother in need, we should lend to him without usury, and without standing much about the security.

But, it's still hard to be perfect; the only way is to look for help from someone who is already perfect, our heavenly Father. His blessings are great and the rewards stored in heaven. Of course, I don't wanna give the impression that I'm doing all these for reward points, but my human nature remarks that they might give my efforts a little boos, hahas. :-)

So much to abandon, even more to learn, God Bless!

4th March 2008

2008-03-04T04:41:00.000-08:00

Argh, slept all the way till 3pm today. Been a long time since I slept like that.

Maybe cos it's the holidays
Maybe cos it's the headache
Maybe cos everything's cleared up

Oh my sky, i told Wei Jie we've got a little meeting through an sms, then he replied that there was a car accident just next to his house on 6.40 (I'm guessing morning). I suppose the way I felt was a little bit surprised; I reckon it's no different when Emmett asked me where I was in a message last week since he was free and wanted to play, and I replied I was in a funeral.

Anyway, I later found no one he knew was involved in it, and he told me that it must have felt very thrilling to be in sandwiched in between 3 or 4 cars. I was incredulous. He followed up by feeling sad for the kids in the car, and also remarked that there was a baby in one of the cars.

Maybe I'll find out more about his opinions and feelings on Sunday; he told me he wouldn't mind me inquiring a little bit more about it.

2nd March 2008

2008-03-01T23:42:00.001-08:00

Blame it on what you've been though
Blame it on what you're into
Blame it on your religions
Blame it on politicians

I have no generation
Show me my motivation
One world one desperation
One hope and one salvation

We've been blowing up
We're the issue
It's our condition

We've been blowing up
We're the issue
Our detonation

Look what a mess we've made of love
Look what a mess we've made,
We've got ourselves to blame
Look what a bomb we've made of love.

We've been blowing up
We're the issue
We're ammunition
We're ammunition
We're ammunition
We are the fuse and ammunition.

26th February 2008

2008-02-25T20:44:00.000-08:00

Jon Foreman came out with a few solo albums; Fall, Winter, Spring and Summer EP, whereby it's not a rock band that is involved; Jon wanted some time alone for more intimate and soul searching thoughts. This is when Jon Foreman opens up to everyone, and talks about his faith. Those looking for fun pop tunes can look at any number of Switchfoot's releases, but Foreman taps into the more frail elements of human nature and the spiritual realm on his solo material. A lot of Switchfoot fans will now get to know the God that Jon Foreman believes in. He's formalizing his faith now. The songs are all acoustic.

The first song of the Winter EP is Learning How to Die. Here are Jon's handwritten lyrics of the song.

26th February 2008

2008-02-25T20:33:00.000-08:00

Came back from a chalet; before that went for a funeral.

Life begins at the intersection; what direction now!?

Salvaging from the spiritual shipwreck; I want to wake up without a touch of gold.

The flowers cut and brought inside
Black cars in a single line
Your family in suits and ties
And you’re free

The ache I feel inside
Is where the life has left your eyes
I’m alone for our last goodbye
But you’re free

I remember you like yesterday
Yesterday
I still can’t believe you’re gone
Oh I remember you like yesterday
Yesterday
And until I’m with you, I carry on

Adrift on your ocean floor
I feel weightless numb and sore
A part of you and me is torn
You’re free

I woke from a dream last night
I dreamt that you were by my side
Reminding me I still had life
In me

I remember you like yesterday
Yesterday
I still can’t believe you’re gone
Oh I remember you like yesterday
Yesterday
And until I’m with you, I carry on

I’ll carry on, I’ll carry on

Every lament is a love song
Yesterday, yesterday
I still can’t believe you’re gone

Every lament is a love song
Yesterday, yesterday
So long my friend, so long

19th February 2008

2008-02-18T17:48:00.000-08:00

The term "awakening dream" is an oxymoron. Pointedly(oxy) stupid(moron). But it really rings true to me, so maybe I'm an oxymoron too.

Anyways, there are many good reads on Christian apologetics that I've come across. One will soon realize that they are never a solution formula in itself. More questions would arise and reopen previous seemingly sealed cases. But they are a good kick start to the concept of an infinite God requiring infinite solutions that only an infinite wisdom could suffice. Ah well, talking in circles again.

It's not everyday that you get a dream like that twice in a row.

10th February 2008

2008-02-10T01:41:00.000-08:00

Watched a movie with the church youths today. A boy, who was actually played by a girl, is the son of Stephen Chow, an impoverished widower. It was one of the more meaningful movies I've watched (compared to the last few horror movies that some of us viewed).

The movie reminded me of the gospel though. There was one scene whereby this unseen hand placed a "battery" into this green gooey ball. The ambiance was akin to that of outer space. Following that, I had the impression that this furry creature (which it later transformed into) was sent into Earth, not to be served, but to serve. Initially, the boy who owned this "pet" believed it to have magical powers, but was disappointed when it did not create any device for the boy to cheat in his exam nor any trainer shoes to make him athletically invincible. The end result was that the poor creature was widely scorned and ill-treated by the boy. Towards the end, the boy's father suffered from a tragic accident and died, only to be "redeemed" from death by the sacrifice of the fur ball, who exchanged its own life for its owner's father. A couple of days mourning for the loss of his poor toy later, this UFO appeared and brought this fur ball back to the little boy back to him (as well as a comedic twist of having hundreds of similar fur balls to the entire community), which was giving me an impression that the fur ball resurrected.

What was more intriguing was the way the appearance of this toy changed the situation that the boy lived in, as well as the people around him. All's well that ends well, as Shakespeare would say. Apparently, what was more striking was the portrayal of how the boy, after the sacrifice of the fur ball, realized what a "sinner" he was, and had quite a huge change of heart, now determined to listen to his father and to uphold the moral and ethics that he emphasizes (we may be poor, but we don't steal, fight, etc.), as well as study hard and grow to become a fine man useful to the society.

Not a single person I asked shared the same view. Woah, maybe I'm just thinking too much.

9th February 2008

2008-02-09T04:45:00.000-08:00

:-):-S:$;-D:-o;):-PB-)

What was I thinking!? Er, I'm just following a certain pastor's wife's peculiar habit of adorning text messages with a myriad of similes, who also just came back from East Malaysia today. She also stated she missed us, even though it was only one week!

God Bless and belated CNY

Stars

2008-01-31T23:59:00.000-08:00

Lyrics:
Maybe I’ve been the problem
Maybe I’m the one to blame
But even when I turn it off and blame myself the outcome feels the same
I’ve been thinking maybe I’ve been partly cloudy
Maybe I’m the chance of rain
And maybe I’m overcast
And maybe all my luck’s washed down the drain

I’ve been thinking about everyone
Everyone you look so lonely

But when I look at the stars
When I look at the stars
When I look at the stars
I see someone else
When I look at the stars
The stars
I feel like myself

Stars looking at a planet watching entropy and pain
And maybe start to wonder how the chaos in our lives could pass as sane
I’ve been thinking about the meaning of resistance
Of a hope beyond my own
And suddenly the infinite and penitent begin to look like home

I’ve been thinking about everyone
Everyone you look so empty

Everyone, everyone, we feel so lonely
Everyone, everyone, we feel so empty

When I look at the stars I feel like myself
When I look at the stars I see someone

1st February 2008

2008-01-31T17:23:00.000-08:00

Eek! It was only now that I noticed that for a lot of my previous posts, I labeled their year as 2007! Yes, I know that if I add a suffix of st/nd/rd/th behind the date, I must include and of, to make it something like 1st of February. But damn it, I'm not cut out for this. XD

Switchfoot paid a visit to Temasek Junior College before their performance at Max Pavilion, where I was. Aww, how I wish I was there.

I went for the Switchfoot Live in Singapore Concert yesterday! Me, Jony, Yuan and Yuan's friend, Julian. Switchfoot's first album was The Legend of Chin, because at first the band was called Chin Up, after a friend called Willis Chin. This also follows Isaiah 6, where we first look up to God, before looking inside and then outside ourselves.

"We called our album Legend of Chin out of respect for our friend back in San Diego," says drummer Chad Butler. "He's such a great guy. A real smiler, too. The kind of guy who always has his chin up!" (Pun intended.)

"Willis is definitely one of our heroes," says guitarist-songwriter Jon Foreman. "He's so real and so consistent in living out his faith. He's no fake. And that's what we hope our album is all about—about being real, no matter what the situation or circumstance."

"And we are trying to show people where true hope is found," says bassist Tim Foreman. "And Willis knows exactly where his hope is found."

"Then there's our song, 'Ode to Chin,'" says Chad. "It's a tribute to Willis. It's about being accountable to someone like Willis. ... This song is also about keeping your eyes on the Lord."

Chin also plays in a band called Movement Oust, and you can sometimes find him leading worship at Calvary Chapel North Coast in San Diego, CA.

Then Jony kept on rubbing his chin when I told him that. Hilarious.

Damn, you can already go to youtube, search for Switchfoot Singapore, and videos are already uploaded. The entrance said no video and audio recording, but at least 10% of the crowd took out their mobile phones as soon as Switchfoot started their first song.

It was a bit of a screw up. We reached at 6+, waited until 8 to gain entry. As expected, the concert started half an hour late. We had to listen to two local bands, whose names I didn't even bother remembering. Sitting through 7 agonizing songs for one hour. Woah, they planned to play EIGHT songs! Luckily the second band canceled one. Too bad, both bands couldn't move almost the entire audience to move and sing along. They were quite talented, but most of us never heard of them, wanted to see Switchfoot and they played an overwhelming of songs. After the first band finally dismissed themselves off, and the host announced that a second local band will be coming, I could feel the tension rise.

It was also yesterday night that the phrase "My granny can scrap better than that" was redefined. When the second band was playing, a lady seated a few rows from us around her fifties took out her earpieces when the second local band performed and listened to her mp3/Walkman/whatever. Either that or she covered her ears with them.
She:
1. Was there ALONE for a concert.
2. Was there for a ROCK concert at a rather awkward age.
3. Was there for a $70/$80 concert.
4. Was using her earpieces even though the cacophony from the band was overwhelming enough to drown out all other sound.
5. Was sitting at one corner, staring at the floor, even though everyone else (including me) was foolish enough to at least show our faces to the band.
6. Kept the earpieces only after that band excused themselves from the stage.
7. PWNed.

Hidden Text. Oh man, the starting was garbage. You may be like; "Come on, it's the first time you heard them, be easy on them" but no, it sucks ass from a straw. Okay, maybe that was a little bit too tough.

Then came Switchfoot. Compare the reactions of the crowd as soon as they came in to that of when the local bands were trying their best to stir up the crowd, and the verdict is obvious.

They played sixteen songs, excluding a Switchfoot version of Beyonce's Crazy In Love, of which an excerpt was used in conjunction to with Gone to form a medley. They are:
1. Oh! Gravity
2. Stars
3. This Is Your Life
4. We Are One Tonight
5. The Shadow Proves The Sunshine
6. Ammunition
7. Only Hope
8. Gone
9. On Fire
10. Dirty Second Hands
11. American Dream
12. Learning To Breathe
13. Awakening
14. Meant to Live
15. Twenty-Four
16. Dare You to Move
(I tried to recall the order as best as I can. They would most probably be quite a big number of mistakes around the middle.)

I remember the way they started their concert. They played some riffs, played the starting part of Meant to Live, made the crowd crazy, then immediately shifted to Oh! Gravity. Yuan was the first to identify that song; my was he fast. After that song finished, they played more riffs and proceeded to present the famous intro of Stars. I doubt the crowd could have went even more crazy then that. Yuan was grinning out his tooth, for God sakes. We Are One Tonight and The Shadow Proves The Sunshine were a medley. Awakening was killer. If only Yap Ning was there, then I would go, "Hey! Awake-Ning!"

There was one part where Jonathan Foreman's cable broke. Maybe he was rocking too hard. Anyway, he borrowed Phil's guitar instead. Andrew Philip Shirley is a guitarist and the newest member of the rock band Switchfoot. Shirley attended California Baptist University studying a Fine Arts degree with a Music minor. During that time he also started and led the Chapel Worship Team and the Thursday Night Live Bible Study. He had only started playing guitar as a senior in Highschool. After graduating from college, he also began working with Youth for Christ as the Riverside area Campus Life director.

So many things wowed me that night, I can't post them all! Towards the end of American Dream, before the last two lines of the final bridge (But that ain't my America, that ain't my American Dream), the band suddenly stopped and stoned there. Oh my Word, the bassist Tim was leaning back at quite an uncomfortable angle. Once again the crowd went wild and started chanting "Switchfoot, Switchfoot". I'm not sure just exactly how long they stoned there, but it must have been a minute at least. When The four of us were rather amazed by that idea. Jony proposed we do that during worship leading next time!

Yesterday was a dream come true, but it was also an awakening. When I heard twenty-four, one of my favorite live from the writer's own mouth, there were so many things I realized. All this while I have been more or less idolizing Switchfoot, and it was then that I knew what folly it was. The glory goes to God. They appeal to a wide audience when they play, but the lyrics, the soul of their music is dedicated to the Father. They cry out to God for forgiveness and grace, not to the audience for fame and glory. When Jon reached the first line of the bridge (I'm not copping out), he choked and delayed that part, and sang the second line (not copping out) with added determination.

The band and I, we are worlds apart, yet I feel we are so near. The way they profess their faith and reach out to souls is one that God will not ignore. Their songs sing of the things we face in our walk with God; not just the joys of salvation. Even Billy Graham once went up the mountains alone to think through whether or not his faith is real. The song 4:12 sings about how he doubted and thought the world was merely material, and how he realized that "souls aren't built of stones, sticks and bones". Dirty Second Hands talks about how we create our own enemy, how envy and lust causes us to fail, but the next song on the album, Awakening is on how grace abounds to cover our sin, and that we're awakening to fulfill what God wants us sinners to do. I think Yuan likes Stars because he also cogitates on the same theme as Jonathan Foreman when he wrote that song. He told me that if the stars had a choice, it would never shine its' light on this fallen world.

It's as though through faith, Jon is speaking to Yuan and saying, "Yuan, this one is for you."

Stars looking at a planet, watching entropy and pain
And maybe start to wonder
How the chaos in our lives could pass as sane
I've been thinking about the meaning of resistance
Of a hope beyond my own
And suddenly the infinite and penitent begin to look like home
I've been thinking about everyone, everyone you look so empty

But what is classic is how Jonathan leaves a hint at the end, "When I look at the stars I see someone" Where this "grace or love or anti-entropy" does not hide His face from this fallen world, and continues to shine for humanity.

Behind the Song:
"Here's another song that we've been playing live for a while. Maybe it's the Led Zeppelin side of me but I love a good rock riff and this one is really fun to play. It's a good builder that I'm anxious to play this summer. Speaking of summer, I have a theory about social entropy; if you and I ever end up talking about existence drinking caffeinated beverages in the wee hours remind me to tell you all about it. For now let's just say that in a world of pain and war and divorce and greed and genocide, how does anything good ever happen? I understand the second law of thermodynamics in the physical world to be something like this: "Any system which is free of external influences becomes more and more disordered with time. This disorder can be expressed in terms of the quantity called entropy." So without some sort of external influence on the social plane, I find no logical reason why humankind didn't see her last day a long time ago. Call it grace or love or anti-entropy- there must be something keeping things together. The question becomes, why do good things happen to bad people? In the song, the first verse looks at things from Descartes perspective, pinning the center of the universe on the individual. "Maybe I've been the problem," maybe I'm overcast, falling apart, etc... The second verse talks about our world from the perspective of the stars looking down on earth from the eternal dance of gravity and motion. I love the night sky. It reminds me of how small and insignificant me and my problems are in light of the infinite. When I look at the stars i feel like myself.” – Jon Foreman (Switchfoot)

God Bless Switchfoot, God Bless this world, God Bless YOU!

30th January 2008

2008-01-29T19:53:00.000-08:00

And they came to Bethsaida. And some people brought to him a blind man and begged him to touch him.
And he took the blind man by the hand and led him out of the village, and when he had spit on his eyes and laid his hands on him, he asked him, "Do you see anything?"
And he looked up and said, "I see men, but they look like trees, walking."
Then Jesus laid his hands on his eyes again; and he opened his eyes, his sight was restored, and he saw everything clearly.
Mark 8:22-25

Everything clearly - Could see their form and features. His sight was completely restored. Though our Lord did not by this, probably, “intend” to teach any lesson in regard to the way in which the mind of a sinner is enlightened, yet it affords a striking illustration of it. Sinners are by nature blind. The effect of religion, or of the influence of the Holy Spirit, is to open the eyes, to show the sinner his condition and his danger, and to lead him to “look” on him as a Saviour. Yet at first he sees indistinctly. He does not soon learn to distinguish objects. When converted he is in a new world. Light is shed on every object, and he sees the Scriptures, the Saviour, and the works of creation, the sun, the stars, the hills, the vales, in a new light. He sees the beauty of the plan of salvation, and wonders that he has not seen it before. Yet he sees at first indistinctly. It is only by repeated applications to the Source of light that he sees all things clearly. At first religion appears full of mysteries. Doctrines and facts are brought before his mind that he cannot fully comprehend. He is still perplexed, and he may doubt whether he has ever seen anything aright, or has been ever renewed. Yet let him not despair. Light, in due time, will be shed on these obscure and mysterious truths. Faithful and repeated application to the Father of lights in prayer, and in searching the Scriptures, and in the ordinances of religion, will dissipate these doubts, and he will see all things clearly, and the universe will appear to be filled with one broad flood of light.

29th January 2008

2008-01-29T06:21:00.000-08:00

Wow. Heard Cloverfield was bad, but watched The Mist. Awesome. Many lessons to learn. See it to find out yourself; sorry, no spoilers. ^^

Sorry

2008-01-27T20:01:00.000-08:00

I'm sorry for the sleepless nights. I feel them myself.

Circles

2008-01-23T03:18:00.000-08:00

Circles, circles and more circles. Spinning around in circles.

Riddles

2008-01-22T00:45:00.000-08:00

Riddles, riddles and more riddles. Little spots here and there.

11th January 2008

2008-01-11T00:23:00.000-08:00

Spiritual highs; they feel rather exhilarating. Problem is, God does promise a life full of such experiences. It is not the articulus stantis et cadentis ecclesiae. However due to it's experiential nature, it becomes rather addictive as such. Must guard against it. Lest we find other times in our life too unfulfillable and depressing...

07th January

2008-01-07T03:32:00.000-08:00

Funny. First time I prayed the sinner's prayer with a non-believer. It feels good, yet so strange. I always think I could have done better, that I could have some how used better words. I had no draft in front of me to guide me, and it was done in the school canteen, of all places.

I want to believe that the angels in heaven all rejoiced today. Yet, apparently he came from a missionary secondary school, and had prayed the prayer twice before. He said that this time felt different, but I fear that it is merely a temporary high.

He fears his parents will prosecute him if he goes to church, and thus feels it's not ready to take the first step.

Bottom line; so many nights I prayed for him and others, God is answering them. All the more I should continue to pray for him and the others! All glory be to God, He reigns victorious.

6th January 2008

2008-01-06T00:48:00.000-08:00

An interesting conversation I had today. Names have been changed to protect their identities. Emoticons have been bracketed to their original words.

John says:
hi

John just sent you a nudge.

John says:
(What) are u (d) oing
John says:
where MARYDOE (?)
Shining Blade says:
oh hi
Shining Blade says:
i was having a bath.
Shining Blade says:
(-.-)
Shining Blade says:
erm she's still shopping
Shining Blade says:
anything i can do to help (?)
Shining Blade says:
i can send her a message to hurry up
John says:
where mARY doe(?)
Shining Blade says:
erm she's still shopping
Shining Blade says:
anything i can do to help
Shining Blade says:
i can send her a message to hurry up
Shining Blade says:
(haha)
Shining Blade says:
just kidding, am repeating myself
John says:
uppp
Shining Blade says:
(?)
John says:
marY DOE WHERE oline
Shining Blade says:
erm i said that she's still shopping
John says:
(ok)
Shining Blade says:
a group of us went shopping
John says:
upppppp
John says:
(....)
Shining Blade says:
u need me to pass a message (?)
Shining Blade says:
(the)n (the) guys left home earlier
John says:
where are u (?)
Shining Blade says:
i'm at home
John says:
hou(s)e(?)
John says:
home(?)
Shining Blade says:
girls still shopping in a shopping centre
Shining Blade says:
yes, i'm at home.
John says:
te(ll) (s)he oline
Shining Blade says:
erm she's not at home
John says:
TELL SHE OLINE
Shining Blade says:
u got something urgent to tell her(?)
John says:
(ok)
John says:
oline
Shining Blade says:
(?)
John says:
online
Shining Blade says:
oh
Shining Blade says:
she's not at home now, will give her a message to go online asap
John says:
TELL MARY DOE ONLINE (OK)
Shining Blade says:
no prob
John says:
(haiz)
John says:
PLEASE
John says:
(ok)
Shining Blade says:
yes, but she's not at her house, she's out shopping.
John says:
upppp
John says:
(s)he come to home
John says:
teLL (HI)M OPEN COMPUTER online
John says:
(ok)

John is inviting you to start sending webcam. Do you want to Accept (Alt+C) or Decline (Alt+D) the invitation?

John has canceled the invitation to start sending webcam.

John says:
(ok)

John just sent you a nudge.

John says:
(lol)
Shining Blade says:
whoops sorry was sending an sms to mary
John says:
(ok)
John says:
(haiz)
John says:
i go to (s) hopping (bye)

Was Jesus' Death a Sham and His Ressurection a Hoax?

2008-01-04T01:23:00.000-08:00

The following is a rather long but meaningful essay that deals with the death of Jesus Christ. His resurrection would be covered in a later posting. I used an interview that Lee Strobel, interviewed Alexander Metherell in the book The Case for Christ (Authored by Strobel).
Metherell has a medical degree from the University of Miami in Florida, doctorate in engineering from the University of Bristol in England. He is board certified in diagnosis by the American Board of Radiology and has been a consultant to the National Heart, Lung, and Blood Institute of the National Institutes of Health of Bethesda, Maryland.

The swoon theory, that says Jesus' reappearance was not a miraculous resurrection but merely a fortuitous resuscitation, and his tomb was empty because he continued to live.

Maybe Pontius Pilate was bribed to allow Jesus to be taken down from the cross before he was dead. Maybe he survived the entire ordeal, or entered a trance-like fake death. Or perhaps he was drugged to appear dead, and then revived by the cool damp air of the tomb. Could the Roman guards have been incompetent in ensuring his death and took him down accidentally alive?

Before Jesus could be resurrected, he must be dead first, that's common sense. So what exactly happened when he was crucified and could he have survived some way or another, only to rise up from the grave and make everyone think he was resurrected?

Lee Strobel's(M.D.) interview with Alexander Metherell(M.D., PH.D.), as adapted from The Case for Christ.

Jesus went with his disciples after the Last Supper to the Mount of Olives, the Garden of Gethsemane. There, he prayed all night. Anticipating the coming events of the next day, he knew the amount of suffering he had to endure, and would naturally be experiencing a great deal of psychological stress. (As written in Luke 22:42-44, he prayed "'Father, if you are willing, remove this cup from me. Nevertheless, not my will, but yours, be done.' And there appeared to him an angel from heaven, strengthening him. And being in an agony he prayed more earnestly; and his sweat became like great drops of blood falling down to the ground.")

There is a medical condition known as hematidrosis(Can be found in wikipedia). It is a very rare condition that is associated with a high degree of psychological stress. Severe anxiety causes the release of chemicals that break down the capillaries in the sweat glands. Thus, there's a small amount of bleeding into the glands, and the sweat comes out tinged with blood. We're not talking about a lot of blood; it's just a very, very small amount. What it also does is to cause the skin to be extremely fragile so that when Jesus was flogged by the Roman soldier the next day, his skin would be very, very sensitive.

Roman floggings were known to be terribly fatal. They usually consisted of thirty-nine lashes but frequently were a lot more than that, depending on the mood of the soldier applying the blows.

The soldier would use a whip of braided leather thongs with metal balls woven into them. When the whip would strike the flesh, these balls would cause deep bruises or contusions, which would break open with further blows. And the whip had pieces of sharp bone as well, which would cut the flesh severely.

The back would be so shredded that part of the spine was sometimes exposed by deep, deep cuts. The whipping would have gone all the way from the shoulders down to the back, the buttocks, and the back of the legs.

One physician who has studied Roman beatings said, "As the flogging continued, the lacerations would tear into the underlying skeletal muscles and produce quivering ribbons of bleeding flesh." A third-century historian by the name of Eusebius described flogging by saying, "The sufferer's veins were laid bare, and the muscles, sinews, and bowels of the victim were open to exposure."

The victim would experience tremendous pain and go into hypovolemic shock(Also in wikipedia). 'Hypo' means low, 'vol' refers to volume, and 'emic' means blood. This does four things. First, the heart races to try to pump blood that is not there; second, the blood pressure drops, causing fainting or collapse; third, the kidneys stop producing urine to maintain what volume is left; and fourth, the person becomes very thirsty as the body craves fluids to replace the lost blood volume.

Jesus was in hypovolemic shock as he staggered up the rode to the execution site at Calvary, carrying the horizontal beam of the cross. Finally Jesus collapsed, and the Roman soldier ordered Simon to carry the cross for him. (Mark 15:21 "And they compelled a passerby, Simon of Cyrene, who was coming in from the country, the father of Alexander and Rufus, to carry his cross.") Later we read the Jesus said, 'I thirst', at which point a sip of vinegar was offered to him. (Mark 15:36)

Jesus survived the beating that day and went on to the cross-which is where the real issue lies.

He would have been laid down, and his hands would have been nailed in the outstretched position to the horizontal beam. This crossbar was called the patibulum, and at this stage it was separate from the vertical beam, which was permanently set in the ground.

The Romans used spikes that were five to seven inches long and tapered to a sharp point. They were driven through the wrists, an inch or so below his left palm.
(All the paintings show the nails pierced his palms, a standard symbol representing the Crucifixion, but it really was through the wrist, as Metherell goes on to explain)
Through the wrists. This was a solid position that would lock the hand; if the nails had been driven through the palms, his weight would have caused the skin to tear and he would have fallen off the cross. So the nails went through the wrists, although this was considered part of the hand in the language of the day.

It's important to understand that the nail would go through the place where the median nerve runs. (From wiki, Injury of median nerve at different levels cause different syndromes. Injury of this nerve at a level above elbow joint results in loss of pronation and a decrease in flexion of the hand at the wrist joint. In the hand, thenar muscles are paralysed and atrophy in time. Opposition and flexion movements of thumb are lost, and thumb and index finger are arrested in adduction and hyperextension position. This appearance of the hand is collectively referred as ape hand deformity. In addition, in palmar side of the hand sensation of lateral part of hand, first three fingers and lateral half of the fourth finger and in dorsal side sensation of distal ⅓ portions of first three fingers and lateral half of distal ⅓ portion of fourth finger is lost.)

The pain was absolutely unbearable. In fact, it was literally beyond words to describe; they had to invent a new word: 'excruciating'. Literally, 'excruciating' means 'out of the cross.' They needed to create a new word, because there was nothing in the language that could describe the intense anguish caused during the crucifixion.

At this point Jesus was hoisted as the crossbar was attached to the vertical stake, and then nails were driven through Jesus' feet. Again, the nerves in his feet would have been crushed, and there would have been a similar type of pain.

The effect that hanging from the cross would have had on Jesus; first of all, his arms would have immediately been stretched, probably about six inches in length, and both shoulders would have become dislocated. This fulfilled the Old Testament prophecy in Psalm 22, which foretold the Crucifixion hundreds of years before it took place and says, 'My bones are out of joint.'

Once a person is hanging in the vertical position, crucifixion is essentially an agonizingly slow death by asphyxiation(wikipedia again). The reason is that the stresses on the muscles and diaphragm put the chest into the inhaled position; basically, in order to exhale, the individual must push up on his feet so the tension on the muscles would be eased for moment. In doing so, the nail would tear through the foot, eventually locking up against the tarsal bones.

After managing to exhale, the person would then be able to relax down and take another breath in. Again, he would have to push himself up to exhale, scraping his bloodied back against the coarse wood of the cross. This would go on and on until complete exhaustion would take over, and the person would not be able to push up and breathe anymore.

As the person slows down his breathing, he goes into what is called respiratory acidosis(wikipedia)-the carbon dioxide in the blood is dissolved as carbonic acid, causing the acidity of the blood to increase. This eventually leads to an irregular heartbeat. In fact, with his heart beating erratically, Jesus would have known that he was at the moment of death, which is when he was able to say, "Lord, into your hands I commit my spirit."(Luke 23:46) And then he died of cardiac arrest.

Before he died, the hypovolemic shock would have caused a sustained rapid heart rate that would have contributed to heart failure, resulting in the collection of fluid in the membrane around the heart, called a pericardial effusion, as well as around the lungs, which is called pleural effusion.

When the Roman soldier came around and, being fairly certain that Jesus was dead, confirmed it by thrusting a spear into his right side. It was probably his right side; that's not certain, but from the description it was probably the right side, between the ribs.

The spear apparently went through the right lung and into the heart, so when the spear was pulled out, some fluid-the pericardial effusion and the pleural effusion-came out. This would have been the appearance of a clear fluid, like water, followed by a large volume of blood, as the eyewitness John described in his gospel.

(True, John was untrained and could not identify the clear fluid that came out, and thus wrote it as water. However, in John 19:34, it is said that 'blood and water' came out; and John intentionally put the words in that order. But according to Metherell, the clear fluid would have come out first. A significant discrepancy here, explained in the following excerpt)

I'm not a Greek scholar, but according to people who are, the order if words in ancient Greek was determined not necessarily by sequence but by prominence. This means that since there was a lot more blood than water, it would have made sense for John to mention the blood first.

There was absolutely no doubt that Jesus was dead.

as aas (In the past, if the Roman guard somehow let any prisoner escape or allowed any convict sentenced to death to live due to carelessness or other reason, the sentence would be carried out on the Roman guard. That was quite a big incentive to ensure that the prisoner, or in this case, Jesus, was thoroughly dead. But as a final argument, Metherell depicts what would happen if somehow, Jesus survived the ordeal and lived to appear to the disciples. Here, he reasons that the wounds he suffered would not recover fully permanently, much less within a period of three days. Hypothesizing that Jesus would still be alive without means of resurrection, his body would be in a total mess.)

Listen, a person in that kind of pathetic condition would never have inspired his disciples to go out and proclaim that he's the Lord of life who had triumphed over the grave.

Do you see what I'm saying? After suffering that horrible abuse, with all the catastrophic blood loss and trauma, he would have looked so pitiful that the disciples would never have hailed him as a victorious conqueror of death; they would have felt sorry for him and tried to nurse him back to health.

So, it's preposterous to think that if he had appeared to them in that awful state, his followers would have been prompted to start a worldwide movement based on the hope that someday they too would have a resurrection body like his. There's just no way.

New Year 2008

2007-12-31T09:14:00.000-08:00

Is this a new year
Or just another night
Abundance in this world
But nothing worth saving

Everyone sees the outside
Neglecting the soul within
Attempting to break away
Just another desperation

Sentenced ourselves to prison
Life, we've thrown away the key
18 reasons to admit my wrong
But all my excuses all 18 strong

We toil and give ourselves the albatross
Silence sealed the bridge between us
Goodwills exchanged through methods man-made
Though man-made never let our lives converge

What greater joy there be
Than to share with you life eternal
Treasures we store in His kingdom
Loved ones with us with our Father amaranthine

I'm so sorry I've been so down
Been staring at the ceiling
Making friends with shadows in the twilight
Begin to believe that who we are is material

In this life
I'm stubborn to the core
In this life
I'm my worse enemy

That's nonsensical
Stay awhile and maybe then you'll see
The flip side of me
For I'm not out of my mind

I'm just a little flabbergasted
How He is experiencing your pains
Listening to your silent cries
Shed His own blood for you to leech

Is this a new year
Or just another desperation
Small acts of random kindness
Or a cacophony of negligence

29th December 2007

2007-12-29T04:59:00.000-08:00

I'm the failure
I'm everyone's fool
And I'm losing my cool at the end

I'm the loser
My numbers come up
I've been hung up with thoughts of Revenge
Revenge
Revenge

Oh!

I've been watching you with my terminal view
As you struggle to rise to your end
I laughed hard at the insults we through
As the weight of the world found revenge
Revenge
Revenge

Oh!

Have hatred and Gravity won?

Oh!
Oh!

The world hung upside down
I drew first blood
With my hateful vengeance
I drew first blood
Revenge

I watched heaven dying today
And I'm gonna die here tonight
I'm the villain and I deserve to be dead
I've been hung up for wrecking my life
Revenge

Oh!

So I stopped for a moment
To look at the sun
Dying today
That's when the irony hit me
That this was revenge
That love had descended and stolen our pain
Away.

We consumed heaven's Son
And I drew first blood
And my hate was undone
And I drew first blood
Revenge

Here's a story
How thief had been robed
How murder had stolen my rage
Think of me Lord
I'm a few breaths away
As my lungs finally rip from the cage

But your love is strong and I don't care what goes down
But your love is strong enough to enter through the thundercloud
Fury and thunder clap like stealing the fire from your eyes
All of my world hanging on your love

All of my world resting on your love

29th December 2007

2007-12-29T04:24:00.000-08:00

Awakening

Face down with the LA curbside endings
With the ones and zeros.
Downtown was the perfect place to hide.
The first star that I saw last night was a headlight
Of a man-made sky, but man- made never made our dreams collide,
Collide.

Here we are now with the falling sky and the rain,
We're awakening
Here we are now with our desperate youth and the pain,
We're awakening
Maybe it's called ambition, you've been talking in your sleep
About a dream, we're awakening

Last week found me living for nothing but deadlines,
With my dead beat sky but, this town doesn't look the same tonight
These dreams started singing to me out of nowhere
And in all my life I don't know if I've ever felt so alive,
Alive

I want to wake up kicking and screaming
I want to wake up kicking and screaming
I want a heart that I know is beating,
It's beating,
I'm bleeding
I want to wake up kicking and screaming
I want to live like I know what I'm leaving
I want a heart that I know is beating,
It's beating... it's beating...
I'm bleeding

29th December 2007

2007-12-29T03:28:00.000-08:00

Unfinished

Entered fellowship with a veil
Am still carrying it clear
How it does me pain
To see their lives so vain

My heart torn asunder from within
A strange man stepped inside
The way he tracked me home
The way he knocked at the door
The way he knew my name
My desires, my iniquities and my genome

Oh how many times have I heard it here
人生就是这样的
All this while I've been searching
But there is nothing that is pure
Thinking too hard to accept
Neither adjective nor noun
Why can't love be a verb

He touched the rain
And suddenly there's waterfalls
Now everyday
There's something else worth fighting for

29th December 2007

2007-12-29T03:08:00.000-08:00

Twenty-four

Twenty-four oceans
Twenty-four skies
Twenty-four failures
Twenty-four tries

Twenty-four finds me
In twenty-fourth place
With twenty-four drop outs
At the end of the day

I'm not who I thought I was
Twenty-four hours ago
Still I'm singing 'Spirit
Take me up in arms with you'

There's twenty-four reasons
To admit that I'm wrong
With all my excuses
Still twenty-four strong

Twenty-four voices
With twenty-four hearts
All of my symphonies
In twenty-four parts

But I want to be one today
Centered and true
I'm singing 'Spirit
Take me up in arms with you'
You're raising the dead in me

I wanna see miracles
To see the world change
Wrestled the angel
For more than a name

For more than a feeling
For more than a cause
I'm singing 'Spirit
Take me up in arms with you'
And you're raising the dead in me

Twenty-four oceans
With twenty-hearts
All of my symphonies
With twenty-four parts

Life is not what I thought it was
Twenty-four hours ago
Still I'm singing 'Spirit
Take me up in arms with you'
And you're raising the dead in me

See, I'm not copping out
Not copping out
Not copping out
When you're raising the dead in me

Oh, oh, I am the second man
Oh, oh, I am the second man now
Oh, I am the second man now
And you're raising the dead in me

I'm not copping out
Not copping out

October 2007

2007-10-12T06:52:00.000-07:00

Real

Look at me I'm twenty three
Beautiful a sight to see
Tonight

A little dress to draw the press
And I'll be leaving
All the rest behind

Well be pleased girl
If this is what you wanted
The whole world is watching you take the stage
What will you say

Aren't I lovely
And do you want me cause
I am hungry for something that will make me real
Can you see me and
Do you love me cause
I am desperately searching for something
Real

I close my eyes imagine time
Will not forget
My sacrifice

I numb the ache and decorate
My emptiness
Stand naked in the light

Well be pleased world
If this is what you wanted
This young girl is everything that you made
What will she say

Aren't I lovely
And do you want me cause
I am hungry for something that will make me real
Can you see me and
Do you love me cause
I am desperately searching for something
Real

The world goes home
The lights go down
My lipstick fades
Away

And do you want me cause
I am hungry for something that will make me real
Can you see me and
Do you love me cause
I am desperately searching for something
Real
(repeats)

Last day of August, 2007

2007-08-31T07:29:00.000-07:00

Never been better! Came back from a camp organized by SP! Tired but exuberant.

Five-star resort at Batam! Food's super! Hiking and trekking through the jungle's really fun! River rafting's also just as great! High rope was damn scary, but super enjoyable!

The leadership workshop, alas, wasn't as interesting. Still, I came back, not just better, but a blacker man.

Anyways, many things happened that are noteworthy, among the really humorous guys from EEE, the electrical and electronics engineering school; there was this Chinese guy who speaks extremely fluent English, even though at first impression he looks nowhere near a linguistic man. He easily alters between various accents, ranging from German (Deutsch), to Indian (Tamil). He is really a gifted comedian, Mr Brown style!

At the shopping mall trip the last day, most of us had quite a lot of spare change of Rupiah in our hands. One guy was flipping a 100 and 200 Rupiah coin up and down, basically fiddling with it and saying that he was rich, with 300 bucks to spare. Another guy took out 10 cents, in Singapore currency, a solitary coin so much smaller than the Indonesian coin, and declared, and rightly so, that his was worth twice as much. All who were in a 1 meter radius about the vicinity burst into laughter.

Fun aside, I learnt that Poly life is so much more different and unique. Through this camp, I look into the lives of all my seniors and other "polymates" with a totally different viewpoint. Every seemingly differing person has a totally diverse life story. I feel so much more attached to the Poly and its students and lecturers now.

One student, who prefers to be called Rain, really has a strong and touching story to tell. She had a little bit too much alcohol during the night parties, and said quite a bit, fogged both in frustration and sorrow. She is also in DMAT, 1 year my senior, and also plays the piano. She sure has composed many songs. Apparently, she joined the camp to escape from home. Her father, a Malaysian, is a pastor and missionary. Her mother is just as fervent a Christian. Not surprisingly, she is under strict curfew and her life devoid of freedom. Complaining of being unable to have unchained access to the computer for her parents do not want her to be at risk, denied leave to a chalet for fear of being raped, and the list goes on. Even though she does exceptionally well in study (GPA 3.94, 0.06 points less from a perfect score for her Poly studies), helps out in church, but her life has yet to be really touched by God. I wonder what will be the future of her poor soul. She still has not really experienced God's great and unconditional love for her, as well as for everyone. Maybe because of her confined and shackled upbringing, or maybe for other reasons I do not know, she is completely wrecked and empty. She would dread going back home to an home with devastated family ties and try to fill her emptiness using boyfriends, anime and the like. She also voices out her grief and hurls vulgarities and obscenities at ease. She broke up and to date, has a new boyfriend.

I know for sure that a life truly committed to God will not have ended up like this, and that I must help her to see God's wondrous ways. I pray that I know how. One thing's for sure; her story will be continued.

24th August 2007

2007-08-23T19:52:00.001-07:00

One of the most important but underrated qualities that we should have is humility.
Many a times, the things preventing many youths from humility is their pride and ambition. When supposed to have a change in our character, like being more forgiving, having a faith, we find excuse in lavishing it to be very hard to put down their freedom or authority.

Think of it as a child standing on a trunk at the back of a car, then extending his arm to the lid, planning to lift up the trunk and his own weight at the same time. Vanity. The question is whether or not he can lift the lid; it is whether he be willing enough to get down from yore trunk and simply lift up the lid.

Get my drift? We are always reluctant to get down the lid, straining ourselves to lift our own burden when it could easily be let go... How hard is it to convince my fellow friends the same theory... I pray, that God would give me the wisdom and courage, not for mine, but for their own good... How hard it is to be understood by them and let them not see my efforts as chauvinist but as an unconditional love for them... I pray.

21/08/07

2007-08-20T19:47:00.000-07:00

LOLx, been writing on another medium until now...

So much to say, so much to hear, so much to see...

D'oh.

Wow, there are fantastic pianists out there! First, Igudesman, then, Maksim Mrvica, then, Bruce Greer! Wow... I really gotta train. Bruce Greer's concert at the 19th of August really was a whopper. All these complex chords... I mean, the other time, I heard from this Chill CD, they also played a lot of groove chords, and after buying it and listening to it, I started playing said groove chords at ease from around May onwards... U know, like minor 2nds inside a chord, which by right, sound awful when playing alone, but in the said groove chords, bring a powerful effect...

But this Bruce, he plays the chords one whole tone higher! It's like, playing a D when a C chord should work.. And that he plays the chord for an entirely different tonality! Then, he uses a lot of flourishes, that is, the MANY little notes at the high end... At least I can copy that... BUT it will be years before I can go like machine gunning entire suspended scales, dorian scales, phrygians, and mixolydian modes up and down the piano at surprising speed. WOW. Enough said. In short, that guy is awesome. More so that he uses his talent for God's ministry. He arranged so many songs... Composer, blah, blah blah, u name it. Wow.

Take less than 5 minutes off your time, u must look at this video. Igudesman at work.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xui7x_KF7bY
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ifKKlhYF53w

21st June 2007

2007-06-20T18:19:00.000-07:00

The state of worry. You've heard of people being addicted to alcohol, cigarettes, drugs, gambling, sex, and a host of other things. But did you know, we can be addicted to worry? That's right; there are people, me included, who can be addicted to worrying over their lives, and when we can't find our own stuff to worry about, we'll start worrying about our friends, relatives, and neighbors!

Worry is defined as feeling uneasy, troubled, anxious or distressed. It can also mean being plagued by nagging concerns. It is, ultimately, described as tormenting oneself with disturbing thoughts.

After years of worrying, I finally realized that we humans are too smart to be tormenting ourselves, and should pull ourselves out from our own traps of blindness. We just need to realize that worry never makes anything better. Never. The fact the it's time wasting, energy draining, makes worry an effective satanic weapon! Damnation keeps our mind preoccupied with worries, that we cannot use our mind in productive, honoring ways.

It doesn't matter whether you are a Christian, a skeptic, or even one who thinks that the Bible is hate speech. Just treat as though this phrase is spoken by some great thinker, and not by some hogwash religious freaks, okay? It makes quite a lot of sense!

Mat 6:25 "Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink, nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing?
Mat 6:26 Look at the birds of the air: they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they?
Mat 6:27 And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life?
Mat 6:28 And why are you anxious about clothing? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin,
Mat 6:29 yet I tell you, even Solomon [who was a great king of his time] in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these.
Mat 6:30 But if God so clothes the grass of the field, which today is alive and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith?
Mat 6:31 Therefore do not be anxious, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?'
Mat 6:32 For the Gentiles seek after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them all.
Mat 6:33 But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.
Mat 6:34 "Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble.

I, as a teen, once struggled with self-image, and some of you may do so too, but surely we can believe that we're more valuable than a bird, or grass, at least in someways, right? To your parents, and to a God who truly loves us!

I am thankful for being able to cast my worries aside; giving them to my parents, and having a loving girlfriend for me to just share them with. How much must I thank her! She would just listen, making me feel so much better.

But there may come a time that we have terrible worries. So horrifying are they, that we wouldn't even dare speak of. Dumbfounded, we shiver. Flabbergasted, we tremble before it's wrath. Slackjawed, we cry in terror. These are worries that many people have, after they face severe rebukes, and have done earth-shattering things that they cannot ever hope to forgive themselves. Still others had been the victim of abuse. Many think silly thoughts, hurting themselves, in a state of self-pity and wallow in despair. Suicide seems like a good friend to them. Believe me, I have had similar symptoms. Needless to say I would scream in my head and struggle in disappointment.

Then there comes along a joy that few will ever believe. The fire of worry and despair that burns within us seemed unstoppable. Then I met my Creator in a personal experience, feeling His comfort firsthand. I didn't bother going to the church to kneel down and pray, nor speaking to a pastor. From a fake Christian who is dragged to church every Sunday, I just flung my worries like a fireball to God. Yes, pick 'em up and fire 'em God's way. Believe me, He can catch them, and He knows what to do with them. In a artistic description of what happened to mine, you can imagine God holding the fireball in His hand, and like a tai chi master in some Chinese movie, simply do some hand movements, and make the fireball smaller, and smaller, until it disappears in a puff of smoke. Instead of "God! I have a big problem!" which I thought earlier, I would go to the remains of my troubled past and say "Hey, problem!" with a smirk, and add, "I have a big God!"

How much I thank God, and how I wish my loved ones can truly experience God's love for themselves! But if not for my troubles, a scoundrel like me having a ravaged past, all these could not have been possible! I just pray that somehow, all whom I love would be touched by God's abundant grace, and feel the joy that overwhelmed me...

Ending of this long post. By now I may give the impression that peace of mind comes by only having no worries in your mind at all. It is like a serene nature scene, with a still lake as its focal point. But I say to you, true peace is a tree branch extended over a raging, rushing waterfall. Perched in the branch is a bird in its nest, resting in the security of its home. The bird understood that in its nest, it was safe from the danger below. There can't be no peace without opposition, just as there can't be courage without fear. You just need to find comfort, and someone to trust in, who would not fail you, and all your worries so easily disappear...

Bid God bless you. Jesus truly loves you! He cares for you and is waiting ever so patiently for you to seek Him! For He delights, yes, delights in giving His children good things!

20th June 2007

2007-06-19T22:18:00.000-07:00

Today I went to help the elderly by playing piano, while they sang along familiar songs. Funnily enough, we had lunch together at a balcony after one of the sisters gave a talk on living as a person in their twilight years. There, I accompanied them, and strangely enough, one of the venerable people called me to seat next to her. So, I did, and she began talking with the most strikingly fluent English, that would put many of us youths into shame! Then, I realized that she looked just like my late grandmother, with the same hairstyle and color, and that particularly outstanding mole on her cheek. As we continued on our conversation, I learnt that she and my grandmother were childhood friends, who knew each other during the pre-war period. What she said, I would leave until later to speak about.

But it was then that I realized that all the elderly have stories to share, not just my own grandparents! This was not the first time I came for such an event, but today was the pioneer's period of me coming into such an understanding with them. Mostly I would just sit in the corner, and stuff myself full of food, being the greedy person that I am, but from now on, I would look at the elderly with their perspective of each other; friends and buddies, with their own life story to share, just looking for company to spend their time with, after living such a full life. Some of them have married daughters in England or are already carrying grandchildren in their arms, others are living life single, either unmarried, widowed or even divorced. Still, they are also human beings, going to an event with a smile on their faces, taking turns every alternate Wednesday to prepare breakfast lunch, or simple exercises that other elderly will learn to enjoy. From now on, nay more shall I turn to them with blind eye, since everyone of us are in the same family under God's wing.

So on the trip home, when I was about to cross the road to take the usual 156 bus which takes me homeward bound, I chanced upon one of the elders, and approached her. I think she was quite startled, for this was most probably the first time I spoke to her, for she was one of the more quiet and passive people in the event. But, I could sense her sincere smile, that with wrinkled eyes and all. Cars were approaching our direction, and I wanted to signal to her to cross, but she still started crossing anyway, making some strange noises and walking at a speed I have never seen any aged person with a walking stick travel before. At the other side of the road, she laughed, as though she had not experienced excitement like this since her youth. At the bus stop, I asked her whether she was fine, and she answered by saying the number seventy in Chinese, which I guessed, correctly, was the bus she was taking. So I just kept quiet, keeping her company while she waited for her bus. Shortly after, it came, and just before she boarded her bus, she turned to me and waved. I said to her, in Chinese of course, "okay then, see you on Sunday!" Her response was "Ah, ah. Yes, seventy."

It seemed that the happiness from her wrinkled smile and the sincere joy that she abounded so fully with was contagious!

13th June 2007

2007-06-13T02:07:00.000-07:00

Where millions are suffering, we refuse to listen. Where the multitudes are starving, we don't bother. Is there even a standard of right and wrong? Or is it that whatever you believe is right is right? Does different people having their own views means that the absolute truth of right and wrong is not present? But as to this, we can never be absolutely sure! Unless you are absolutely sure that there are no absolutes. But absolutes aside, I just think that humanity has lost the once pure sense of right and wrong. Gay, sexual immorality, has been legalized in some states, leading countries that have yet to lift the ban to slowly get grasped by immorality. We find fault in others, never from ourselves. We feel no pain upon knowing that 400 natural disasters occur every year, and that 1.8 people die every passing second, majority of them could be prevented.

And yet, none of us, with our hand phones, computers, textbooks, wads of cash notes, realize the suffering revolving the 80/20 window. 20% of the world gets 80% of the food. The 80%? In terms of mathematical statistics, they get 1/16 as much food as we get. Geocentrically speaking, they eat once every 16 days; twice a month. They suffer, war-torn; every day an instinctive quest for survival, living without hope. They are also humans, on their state only because of where they were born. Many Singaporeans, me once included, think of them as pathetic, lower grade outcasts. We forget that we are better off than them not because we did anything, but because we were born differently. Still, we act as though we deserved what we have, almost none of us bothering to reach out their hand to help their fellow brethren.

I say, is there some sort of standard that each of us can do? At the first place, why do all things happen? Why do we even live? My understanding of this is quite limited, saying from a Singaporean youth's perspective. But all things in life happen with a purpose! Have you ever thought about some great being up there, where, you don't know, but you can feel it, is overseeing all these things? Could it be time? Space? Dimension? Nature? Destiny? Fate? God? Is there a God? Don't we come from somewhere? We couldn't be here forever, couldn't we? If there is no God, which is non-material, how can there be other non-material things like love, truth or feelings, which we know by faith they exist? Dear reader, what evidence are you looking for to prove the existence of God? None can be given, other than by having you experience God yourself, just as you have loved, hated, delighted and grieved! It is left to you to think about.

My only wish is that someday, I can do my part I can for these people, for it is my heart's desire. Though what I can do is way too small, I just pray that God will inspire many others like me to the the stand, and proceed to serve. If all of us just give a little of what we have to our fellow brethren, who now even envy the problems you go through, and dream of living in a "Singapore" we all continually complain of.

08th June 2007

2007-06-07T19:06:00.000-07:00

God never said there'd only be sunshine, and He never said there'd only be rain. He only promised a heart full of singing, about the very things that once brought pain. Give them all, give them all, give them all to Jesus, Shattered dreams, wounded hearts and broken toys, give them all, give them all, give them all, give them all to Jesus. And he will turn your sorrow into joy!

Of the many days of my life, the many trails and tribulations of which I've faced and emerged from the ashes and learnt so much; all these did not prepare me for what I now face.

God is the air I breathe to my soul. His word is the food I consume, my sustenance. His teachings I base my life on are like my shelter, my comfort. The main priority in my life, who I am; I've committed them all to God. I did so because I believe in Him, even though many others do not, dismissing it as hogwash. But being human beings, we have a mind, a soul and a body. But when the other part of my mind, what I think, the one who makes up a huge portion of my thoughts, is opposing what the food my soul eats, what I base my life on, and find comfort in, how much I lament! How confused I am, when I must relinquish part of me! I place my trust in God, but have been living in self-denial of what I really must do, knowing that I would end up pursuing my soul. I just don't know what to do now; I just hope God's grace would see me through, as he has for countless times over the past 17 years of my life, and the millenia since history to ancient figures like Joseph and Moses, to the apostles, and to the modern man. But verily, Jehovah Jireh, my provider, His grace is sufficient for me.

07th June 2007

2007-06-07T06:47:00.000-07:00

Never have I been filled with more regret. The things we have on Earth are but unreliable. The very source of my joy one moment can quickly cause you utmost despair next. Nothing much would be said here, because I do not require the world to share in my grief. However, it is hard to describe the vanity of what many people do. We try so hard to please ourselves with our successes, only to forget what we are doing them for, ending up moving by act of instinct. We live on Earth, never forget what we are living here for!

All I can say is to bid God give us the will we need; who can fathom His infinite wisdom?

05th June 2007

2007-06-04T20:07:00.000-07:00

Is it me, or does trouble always come to me, even if i didn't even look for it? It does not really matter though. Many times I don't even realize when trouble's at my doorstep. Enough of that, lest more trouble comes looking for me!

Oh, it seems a espanol fellow blogger has made my blog the platform for advertising his! Wow. Luckily sitemeter.com allows me to track whoever looks into my blog. Never mind that, all are welcome!

Ya, I went for a chalet with the SKY Choir yesterday night till today. It was fun. Didn't know chlorine is so bad for our eyes. Red ants never give up when biting us, clinging on so hard; such admirable perseverance! I really respected them! For a few seconds at least, before I crushed them... Ah well, instinct makes us fight back hard on things that harm you.

For some reason or another, even though the rooms for the night had been specifically designated; one for the boys, one for the teachers, and two for the girls, I ended up sleeping next to Mr Fong, a teacher, in the boys room, and Doreen was on the other side of me. Not that I'm uneasy, but it just felt weird. But great... Alas, not the part of Mr Fong scratching his arms (I think), but of having someone to cuddle. Many times in our friendships we expect something from someone. But I learnt that by right, we should not only give, nor not only take, but give and take!

I tend to take God for granted, as well as many other things. This shouldn't be the case! We tend to look to God when in trouble, then ignore Him during good times. We expect our relationship with God to be one with giving and taking, but through our actions, we merely take. Wretched fool that I am! I condemn myself with my own inscriptions! We must not forget that we should also offer ourselves to God, just as Jesus Christ was offered to us. Only where there is give and take, can any relationship, not just one with God, but with friends and family, truly blossom. May the grace of our Lord Jesus Christ, the love of God, and the fellowship of the Holy Spirit be with us all, evermore, amen.

04th June 2007

2007-06-03T18:44:00.000-07:00

How meaningless many things we do can be. Vanity! Everything is vanity! Meaningless! How humans developed from primitive lifestyles, hoping to be rid of worrying over what to hunt and eat, and what to do to survive, until the information age we are now, though still worrying over stock market prices and what to order to eat at the hawker centre, spoilt for choice. What!? We even invented a new toilet cubicle that enables us to look at our breakfast's calorie and nutrient values and look how healthy we are while we move our bowels!? FOR HEAVEN'S SAKE CAN'T WE JUST SHIT AND GET IT DONE WITH!? All those blasted contraptions! Live with computer and hand phones for just one day and forget how to live without one after that. We improve our lives, but will still worry! Children worry over what present he'll get for their birthdays, students worry over their results and infatuations, adults worry over career, health and success, and damn it, even the old and retired over what their grandsons would like to eat, and whether they will appreciate what they cook! This really makes me want to blurt out that the dead worry over what's left over their corpses!

Thankfully, this is not the first time I have thought this way. Because of this thought, among other things I have witnessed, I chose to become a Christian. Not because of my parents. Not because of my upbringing. I did not even really pay attention during Sunday School, much less give a damn for it.
Ecc 1:2 Vanity of vanities, says the Preacher, vanity of vanities! All is vanity.
Ecc 1:3 What does man gain by all the toil at which he toils under the sun?
Ecc 1:4 A generation goes, and a generation comes, but the earth remains forever.
Ecc 1:5 The sun rises, and the sun goes down, and hastens to the place where it rises.
Ecc 1:6 The wind blows to the south and goes around to the north; around and around goes the wind, and on its circuits the wind returns.
Ecc 1:7 All streams run to the sea, but the sea is not full; to the place where the streams flow, there they flow again.
Ecc 1:8 All things are full of weariness; a man cannot utter it; the eye is not satisfied with seeing, nor the ear filled with hearing.
Ecc 1:9 What has been is what will be, and what has been done is what will be done, and there is nothing new under the sun.
I became a Christian because of what God has done for me. He's given me a goal to live on Earth, and I know I will not die and just lived without really living. What many of us, as well as me, tend to hope in things which are but temporary. Why bother studying? Why keep all the money in the world, only to die the next day and have lived and worked in vain. Love is great! Getting to know someone and care for that someone, share weal and woe together is great! Indescribable is the feeling when affection for each other is shown. But in my life, there is something far more greater! God has given me a goal in life. Right now, I will continue to live on with a purpose in life, and vow to excel in it before I meet my Maker. Thanks be to God for giving my life true purpose!

Though I may continue to fall short of God in this life, steady in my stand of life today yet contradicting myself the next, I know that God is with me. If only my adviser can learn the fullness of life with me too. Entertainment that comes from films, books and television are but temporal, not eternal, bound by the shackles of time...

Oh, and one lucky guy who owes me my badminton racket gets to keep it. I'm lifting my charge on him, and asking the police to drop the case. He walks away without actually going into court itself after all! He's just not worth the money I pay for the lawsuit. And I'm only 17, not going all out to humiliate someone who merely took of with something mine, for objects are only temporary. Play on, man, the Sim! You deserve the racket, since you really want it that desperately!

03rd June 2007

2007-06-03T05:59:00.000-07:00

Ah well, tomorrow's the chalet. Hopefully I get to sing well with Doreen. But I'm quite worried that things may go wrong. Never mind, as long as she does not feel uncomfortable.

All of us live in the world of words. It's importance cannot be overemphasized, even though most of us do not realize it. After all, to name an object, is to define it. To utter a word, is to create a chain of thought. To pen down an event, is to make history. And to invent a language, is to create a whole new world. Man have always revolved around words. Every act we do, other than by instinct, comes to because of the thought of the act, which is the emanating of words in our mind. Words are what separate Man from Animal. But words, at their purest form, comes only from scripture, which is the embodiment of God's Word, the Holy Bible. It's use is truly underestimated. Worse of all, many Christians, me included tend to act as though it was they who wrote it. They cite verses out of it, giving others the impression that they were the ones who created the concept. How arrogant we are! Even though the Bible has so many parables warning us against arrogance, insolent pride, we Christians often fall its trap, encased by the very book which told us not too! What vanity of vanities!

One of the greatest stereotype of us humans, is to judge people's mistakes, equating them with our differences. When males see members of the fairer sex fumble, they dub all women as clumsy. When Chinese people see their fellow kin, albeit of darker complexion, they condemn all "blacks"; even if the offender was an Indian, they find hostility not just within Indians, but Africans too, I'm afraid! And when people of differing religions see a Christian acting the insolent and arrogant fool, similarly, they find fault in the entire Church Assembly. This should not be the case, for anyone of us, Christian or not! But human nature, which definitely includes me are powerless to control ourselves, God forgive me. This gives us a challenge to humble ourselves and to fight our pride. Lem this be a daily challenge for us all, to stay humble, just as the Bible gave so many illustrations, and not to take things for granted. Among others, are are to "have unity of mind, sympathy, brotherly love, a tender heart, and a humble mind."

May we be able to read the Bible before judging a religion, and study it before we misuse it's teachings and mislead others as well!

02nd June 2007

2007-06-02T04:55:00.000-07:00

Argh. Two more days to the chalet at Aloha Loyang. So nervous, must sing duet, then maybe do something extra. So embarrassing. Lost for words with all to say. D'oh.

Love. 1Co 13:4 Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant
1Co 13:5 or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful;
1Co 13:6 it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth.
1Co 13:7 Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.
1Co 13:8 Love never ends. As for prophecies, they will pass away; as for tongues, they will cease; as for knowledge, it will pass away.
1Co 13:9 For we know in part and we prophesy in part,
1Co 13:10 but when the perfect comes, the partial will pass away.
1Co 13:11 When I was a child, I spoke like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I gave up childish ways.
1Co 13:12 For now we see in a mirror dimly, but then face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I have been fully known.
1Co 13:13 So now faith, hope, and love abide, these three; but the greatest of these is love.

It is something so great, but yet so hard to explain. But most of all, the older I grow, the more I love God, as he has, but I know that I must try my best to love my neighbor as myself... Praise God, His Word has done so much for humankind, may it be the universal language of love all over the world...

29th May 2007

2007-05-30T03:29:00.000-07:00

When was the last time that you shared the gospel with someone, or heard it from someone else? Many times, God places the lives of individuals within our path, but what do we do? Do we save them from eternal damnation? Or leave them to wallow in their shadowy graves?

Strict as I may sound, I must frankly rebuke myself also. Even though it was my duty to fulfill the Great Commission, I have failed to do so many times, letting the opportunity slip away. But in Matthew 28:18-20, the Bible said, "All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me.
Mat 28:19 Go therefore and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit,
Mat 28:20 teaching them to observe all that I have commanded you. And behold, I am with you always, to the end of the age."

However, I warn that Satan is in work. He will distract us from whatever be holding us back now, anything, be it studying or even worldly goals. Anything would do! As long as you are not doing your part for the Great Commission, Satan will have achieved!

But even though I may lack the courage, the inspiration, and the motivation, I know that God has given me all authority, and He will provide all I require. So, I will do my part for God, that I will leave a wake of saved souls in my wake, and now, I pray that God will sanctify me and prepare me in this task. Dear friends, do you ever see images of your closest family and friends, yet to be saved, the snapshots of them being burnt by fire? Do join me as well as the millions of other Christians, because we know that our works will not be in vain. Certificates, diplomas, money and life are not forever. They are temporal. But not so for this! Even though we gain completely nothing here, and that the world is a very skeptic one, what greater joy can there be, when you are called on to the LORD in heaven, greet Him and praise Him, an individual comes towards you and thanks you for saving his soul... Praise God for such a wonderful gift!

27th May

2007-05-27T03:42:00.000-07:00

I really suck at singing. Pop singing, at least. Today's rehearsal with Doreen for our duet next Monday was kaput! I really let her down... My voice is nowhere compared to any other pop singer... But I rejoice knowing that the LORD is my strength! I offer my all to God, knowing it was him who bestowed me with all I have, including my life! Still, I pray that someone else will be able to do the same and find joy in doing so...

Today, I must pray for the team that's going to Cambodia for a mission trip this Thursday. Cambodia is a war-wrecked country, and many of the people there are scarred! Pol Pot, a dictator thirty years ago of Cambodia thought of making an ideal Cambodia, where all the citizens will farm the land and work loyally to the country, without questioning the leader. The result was that he ordered thousands of "smart people" executed, massacred and murdered, by the masses. Those who were Buddhist monks, Western-educated intellectuals, educated people in general, people who had contact with Western countries, people who appeared to be intelligent (for example, individuals with glasses), the crippled and lame, and ethnic minorities like ethnic Chinese, Laotians and Vietnamese and unfit to live were to dig their own graves, then buried alive. The lucky ones were beaten to death, falling with their chains and shackles still on them to the muddy pits they freshly dug. Please read more about it on http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pol_Pot

Now, where we Singaporeans live in such luxury, there are people suffering out there, not only in Cambodia, but in many other parts. I respect the mission team for reaching to the Cambodians, helping them in whatever ways they could, and sharing the good news of the gospel and Jesus Christ, bringing hope and a purpose to live to a rogue and renegade people. That Paul, the leader, Serene, and her husband, a doctor who works in the prison, Cheryl, Ethel, Rachel, Esther, and the others, would give up their time and work, come out from their comfort zone to help strangers they do not even know, I really thank God for touching their hearts. I will try to aid them in prayer, for I know that going into missions is not an easy task. The recent I went to was in Medan, Indonesia, which was more like a walk in the park. However, I went through many difficulties. I shudder to think what they will face.

Currently, people are being sold, children, at the tender age of 14, are being forced in to prostitution, and in the lawless country, violence is common and aplenty. And, talking about 14, I know of someone very dear to me who is also 14. I think (but not necessarily correctly) that she would most probably shiver at the thought of going overseas to work as a maid, tremble at being sold to work, and before I can finish this sentence, faint at the thought of working as a prostitute... Me too, would definitely die of heart attack at the thought of living in a world of violence. But I cannot condemn the people of Cambodia; they lack hope, they have no vision of this world. Why labor and toil in the fields as a farmer, when prostitution and its trafficking earns you million times more! Did you know that afore mentioned children, both boys and girls are eager to grow up and work as prostitutes!? Their parents raised them up for this purpose, and the poor children conditioned to expect their life to be filled with sex slavery... What inhumanity!

That God would allow all these, I can never be able to understand, not my entire lifetime on earth. He is a worker of miracles, but how has this world been tainted by sin! These are the end times, my friend, and I pray that you will reconsider your religion before you fall prey to the devil! Hopefully, missions like those above will be able to save as many people from perishing in hell before the judgment day begins. And, may you be one of those saved, if you are yet to be, and if you are saved, may you work to save as many as possible, just as Jesus Christ redeemed us, by sacrificing not His time, but His life! Thanks be to God for His indispensable gift!

For if He carried the weight of the world upon His shoulder, I know my brother, that He will carry you!
And if He carried the weight of the world upon His shoulder, I know my sister, that He will carry you!

26th May 2007

2007-05-27T03:08:00.000-07:00

Ya, and today was the day that our practice paid out. So much for me to learn! Overall, it was a huge success. Ya, Doreen came too, as well as another one of my friend, Shi Yong. Though we faced many problems, such as the food being inadequate to satisfy the taste buds of many people, including my friends, the microphones busting out at the last and most crucial moment, me forgetting my lines, playing the wrong notes, etc... But at least the event touched the lives of many people, including myself. But oh vanity! How hard is it to touch those who have yet to understand! All I wish is that some day, they will...

We see the presence of God, as well as the workings of the Holy Spirit that day, which touched the lives and left an impact on them, especially on the elderly, many of whom their lives have changed more or less. How great is our God, unseen, yet as present as the air we breathe, but just as essential!

Jonathan is a very gifted actor... How easy does his emotions show, and how easy it overwhelms us! For one who knows him since childhood, I really still have got a lot to learn from him! I really respect his aspirations as well as his character. God has made every individual unique, but still knows them so well; even the exact amount of hair in our heads, he knows! And He loves us all, whether we choose to trust in him or not. Like reality, he exists, be it us acknowledging his existence, or to choose not to believe. He is God! The God of Abraham and Issac, of the Israelites, and of yesterday, now and forever! And He is my God! Our God! How great would it be if only the whole world could believe in something more than stone, wood, gold and carved images! Truly, the wisdom of man is but folly to God... Vanity of vanities yet again! That man would have turned from God, so many since birth! How I wish I could do my part to save as many people as possible... If only they could see the reason that I struggle and sacrifice so much of my time to tell them what appears to be a childish fairy tale to them... Oh, the irony!

24th May 2007

2007-05-24T03:23:00.000-07:00

I know that I've been falling in love since the day I met her, but I think that I'm falling deeper in love by the day!

Today I met Doreen under our block, where I were to give her some maths tuition. The night before, we had been exchanging very mushy messages, and so did we this afternoon. But when I felt the warmth of her embrace, I found my heart taken away by her. And the various kisses we shared together were magical. The gifts that she always gives me, sweet nothings, hugs, kisses, they are great. But the greatest gift of all that she has given me, if only I could say to her without blushing all red, is "the gift of knowing you."

Though, I must not forget my awesome God as well. That He sent His one and only Son to die on the cross for our sins, such love for us... The Bible even portrays our relationship to God as that similar to a true couple's. What a fool I am, yet again, to not realize the significance of this passage! Doreen, however, helped me realize it. If the love of an unmarried couple can be so amazing, lo, the love of us and God, would be indescribable! Many times, I would pray for my relationship with Doreen to flourish. And flourish it did, flourish beyond my wildest dreams! So much I have learnt! That in truth, the best gift of all I had was to know God, and how great it would be for me, when she finally shares in this gift! As I had asked God to have mercy on me, I bid God have the same mercy on her... So much more I have to learn, for compared to God, I am nothing. To the angels, I am but void. To the great men of faith, I am but vanity! But oh! What precious love of God divine! That saved a wretch like me. I am but young, and still have a long way to go, but how I wish that I could share my life, present and future, and eternity on heaven with her...

But what bids me do, I listen. Because the reason that I was with her was because of God... It all started from a badminton session which the church hosted... And it was God who touched me to tell her the good news, though I've fallen so deeply in love with her before I even started doing so... Ah, so many things to say... May I continue on another day... Till then God bless y'all, and wish that you all will accept the greatest gift of love soon; that of knowing a true God! How Great is our God, so beautiful beyond description! He is most worthy of our praise!

23 May 2007

2007-05-23T03:43:00.000-07:00

Yes, I know that my words are very pale. But so am I. If going down with a illness is not enough, my computer also got a virus today! Everything becomes so slow... Then suddenly cannot even start up lorhx, switch on only then will crash.

AND THIS MEANS THAT THIS BLOG IS ALSO INFECTED BY MY VIRUS! QUIT NOW BEFORE IT SPREADS TO YOU!!! WAHAHA!

No larhx, just kidding. I used a command prompt which my bro taught me to use, and effectively removed the virus. Yarhx, I am now an outdated and semi-useless walking and talking anti-virus hardware! Which is why I can even write this post now, if not I would be banging my head on both wall and keyboard. Luckily so, because this is still e-learning week! Now, I still have 3 assignments to go.

Well, this has definitely been a hard week, not just for me, but for Doreen too! She's been complaining of dizziness, and has been showing signs of headaches! Poor thing, she's resting her fragile self now at home, while I'm writing this post. Hope she gets well soon.

But all these difficulties did serve as a lesson for me! It was only then that I remembered to humble myself yet again and seek God for help. I had been too busy doing this and that to remember to seek God for help. My illness had been bugging me for quite some time, and I kept allowing me to frustrate myself over it. I had also been struggling with my computer, trying in vain to fix the problem, and at the same time cursing the malicious source of the virus.

When I finally gave up, I surrendered to God in prayer and allowed him to work in me. No words can really describe what happened with enough detail to convince critics and the common skeptic, but all I can say is that I am now strong enough and able to log on to the internet to write this blog.

The power of prayer is a very potent tool. The Earth trembles and the Oceans roar at its power. Its power originates from God! However, it is very hard for man. even devoted Christians, to fully utilize its power, because of doubt, which is also good, because if every man on Earth were to hold the power of prayer in their hands, I shudder to think what would become of the universe now. So now, with what little faith I have, I am rid of my problems, and I have gained one more. My wish, other than to grow spiritually with my walk with God and to spread the good news of the Gospel to as many people as possible, is to teach Doreen to do the same, but timid as I am, I am afraid to do so. I pray for courage, and the right time to do so.

Prior to this, I've been going through this week alone, grumbling of overstuffed assignments and duties. But now, I have God by my side! Many times, we are too busy in our lives, and tend to forget the main issue in our lives. Too engrossed in money to care for family, too obsessed by lust to remember to trust, too embedded in power to cherish your hour. Would a crowd full of people be able to hear the cricket sounding in the bush? No, but a child can. But if someone were to drop coins on the floor, that same crowd would promptly turn over and look. Dear reader, what are you tuned to hear? Studies? Money? Power? If so, why not family? Care? Love? And most important of all, if one can grasp its significance, God? He has always been there, calling out to you, waiting for you to go to Him. What a wretched fool I was, basking in the dark for so long before going to Him! I bid you not do the same mistake, and use every moment to seek Him earnestly now! How great is our God! He is worthy of our praise! Selah!

21st May 2007

2007-05-21T02:54:00.000-07:00

Argh. I woke up only to find myself afflicted with a staggering sore throat. It hurts every time I swallow, but itches more ever so often, forcing me to gag as a reflex action should I fail to swallow... A serious dilemma I'm in here.

Ya, I woke up today only to find that it was way past 7 am, which means that Doreen will be going to school unaccompanied. Sigh.

I managed to complete 2 of my 7 e-learning week projects, which is a good thing. Just 5 more to go. Drive on, baby!

Doreen had CME lesson today, and like I said earlier, at this point of time she will be learning about sexuality. According to her, today's lesson was on BGR, and happily enough, she was always pinpointed by her teacher, one Mr Tang, to answer questions regarding this issue. Apparently, her classmates knew about our relationship and happily chanted my name. Approximately the same time, around 12+, I sneezed. Thrice. Do I see a coincidence? Ya, one of the questions was that if her boyfriend were to suddenly ask her to have sex with her before marriage, what would she do. Her answer, to my dismay, was "I dunno". Ah well. Upon hearing this from her, I pressed on to let her reveal her stand. She said "No, because we are underage." Unsatisfied, I hypothesized that we were in legal age. After more inquisitions from me, and a slight hesitation later, she blurted out a huge "No, because we are not married!" Now, that was the answer I was looking for. Even though she admitted that looking at my behavior, I was not one to do such a thing, and of that I agree, I fear that my thoughts may waver. My greatest concern is that when I am enlisted for National Service, I could be influenced by my roommates, and worse still, living in an all boys only environment, lower my defenses and succumb to temptation. Haix; we guys have one brain, and one penis, but not enough blood to run both! Should that happen, I would require Doreen to be completely steadfast, and reject my "requests" no matter how many times I ask, scold me even, if need be.

Many times I wonder why God has to set such traps for us. Many people call them trials. But the more I ponder, the clearer the mist becomes, though I am afraid it will never completely dissipate. Apparently, when I am reminiscent of my past, I realize that all the time, even though sometimes I fall short of God's desire, He has always been there with me, waiting for me to ask for His help! Ever, he provides an escape route! Only when I solemnly compose myself down, and go to him with total surrender and reveredness, will the problems be solved with the best possible solution, one that no man can think of! This also humbles me, knowing that one cannot achieve much without God! How great is our God, so great and mighty, yet to save a wretch like me! He is most worthy of our praise!

20th May 2007

2007-05-20T05:15:00.000-07:00

I thank God tomorrow's e-learning week at SP! That means I won't have to go to report to school! I get to stay at home to rest. But the downside is that I have 7 full scale projects to finish, the easiest of them is a 1000 word essay on something I have no clue about! Which is just as good, for I get a real reason to do online research! Well, I'm am so tired!

Full day at church today, but the sermon's were real good. One would learn to protect themselves from being too obsessed with money! Think about it! If you had a well to do family, as the grand parent, or even great grand parent. Then let's say you suddenly got yourself US$60,000,000! This is a real event that happened, but to a church, when a really rich guy was called home to the LORD and left his property all to the church! The church elders were really stressed, and to make matters worse, even the media and press were sending journalists over to check the situation out. The church had a lot of decisions to make, because many church members were suddenly requesting money from to church to "repair my roof/pay for my son's university/settle my huge credit card debt" etc. As can be easily seen, problems came because the money arrived! Even Christians struggle with matters of life and this "corrupts" a church, but I say that the church was formed to deal with such matters! Just as only the sick require a doctor, only us sinners require Jesus Christ to save us, which is why the church is formed! And, like medicine, requires time and the correct attitudes, as in taking your medicine, not just leaving it on the shelf; thus being, one must attend church, read the bible, and pray! Dear reader, if you ever knew a church, or are in one, and ever think that the church is nothing more than a place where many people as who act kind and sincere, but are as sinister as other people, you may be right! And if you think that your church is becoming worse and not fulfilling to you, you may be correct too. However, it is part of Christian life to struggle with sin, and the way of the world! If God were to suddenly make all people into fully devoted Christians, then wouldn't we be following God not by our own will, because God supposedly forced us into becoming Christians!

Or, if God were to let everyone see clearly through some miracle the wonders of getting to know Christ and accept him as our personal Saviour, then wouldn't we all be zombie like Christians, following God only because the rewards, walking by faith and not by sight!? A fortiori, this would truly be the vanity of vanities, for Christianity would lose its true meaning!
That said, I belief God has miraculous ways of working, which we will not be able to truly grasp. If we could, then God would be no more different than us men. Thus, God is sovereign because of us not being able to fully comprehend him, unbeknownst to many of us! Praise God, for he is truly great!

As Christians, we would always be demanding for a better church. We think that other churches are better, and thus forget that all churches have problems. Just as a foolish man would learn of the flaws of his wife, demand a divorce for a better woman, only to find out later on that that woman has her own flaws also, causing a life of regret and remorse. As for us, if we do lack the strong will to bear with the bad side of our church, moving to another one would do little satisfy us. However, if we have patience, and search for your own calling in your own church, God will definitely touch you! Remember, He put you in that particular church for a reason! Do not dishonor your Father by moving away from it, unless you are very sure God is calling you to!
Back to the sermon; in the end, the pastor of the church made a very wise decision. He gave the money all away; 40 million was distributed to all other churches, 12 million given to the needy around the world, and 4 million into a bank account, the interest of which being US$10,000. This interest would then be given to the needy around the world like the 12 million. Actually, this amount of US$10,000 was also to commemorate the late brother who gave the money to church, because such was his yearly contribution. The remaining 4 million was to be deposited into the church fund, supporting the expansion of the church, but this decision was abolished. Instead, the 4 million was added to the 12 million also, making the total amount 16 million, plus an additional 10 thousand annually. The end result: the church kept not a single cent. This also meant that the expansion of the church was to be funded by the accumulated offerings of the church members.

I really thought this to be a real waste, giving away 60 million just like that! Twas a fortune which I may not be able to see! But inasmuch as I try to think of the logic behind the pastor's actions, the more I realize that the wisdom of man is but folly to God! Because the pastor prayed and seeked God's counsel, he removed all problems concerning money matters. Only because of the money, problems arised and many people threw away God, caring less of growing spiritually but more concerned of looking at how the money will be settled, ever hoping that they would get a share. On the other hand, if they had hitero usurped the money, unending arguments would have arised, and the church would really crumble! The giving of the money not only solved the problem immediately, but also thought the church a valuable lesson! Never let money rule you! And never lust for more than you need! This was a real case where "having more is less, but having less, is more!"

This is but one of the many lessons to learn in life, and many more I will learn through God's Word! And if you a Christian, nay, even if you be an unbeliever yet, may you take home this lesson, of cherishing what you have, and not be unsatisfied with what you have! Truly, what do you have that you did not receive!

19th May 2007

2007-05-20T04:49:00.000-07:00

Ouch. Today was a very hard day. Jogging (walking actually) with Doreen early in the morning. Then had to go church to rehearse tomorrow's main service, because I'm the pianist. That was from 10 to 12. Next, I went straight to play badminton with some church friends. We played from 1 to 2. We then had lunch, then I was summoned at 3 to report to church straight away for the training of Sunday school teachers. I was to be the accompanist, and the other teachers were to act as little kids. Extremely exhilarating, seeing the teachers mimic their own students! The session was until 6, after which I was to rehearse for an event on 26th May, Saturday. Once again, I was to be the pianist, as well as one of the actors of a skit. Hopefully, through this event, more people will learn about churches and Christianity. Praise God for His abundant grace and mercy! So, my day ended at 10.30 at church, tucking in to sleep at 11.30. I went home with a fever, headache, sore throat and eyes, and an irritating blocked nose, but feeling more fulfilled, renewed, and with a purpose in life, and a goal to reach for, that being the service of a great God, who has blessed me and redeemed my life too many times for me to count!

(Note: This draft was written on 20th May. Hey! You can't expect me to write this blog midnight! I've got church to attend on Sunday morning! =P)

18th May 2007

2007-05-18T03:33:00.000-07:00

Blasted contraptions! And starting a blog was supposed to be a breeze!? Haix...
And they say technology was meant to benefit history, but here I am getting hooked unto the blogging world.

Life in SP is very interesting! But next week is e-learning week... Everyone learning at home... Sounds great! If only there wasn't that many assignments. Full scale projects, one for each module, seven in all! That's Diploma in Music and Audio Technology for you. But maybe it ain't that bad... I believe there are people out there who must do worse... So let us count our blessings.

And my gf, Doreen, was acting whether strange today... Actually she has become rather horny of late... Ya, I remember when I was in sec 2. The same time, when after exams, schools teaching sexuality education. Puberty stage, hormones all acting up. Had to tell her my stand of me being steadfast against premarital sex and all. It's great to know she shares my stand. I thank God for that! Otherwise, let her have fun growing up. We still have a long way to go, whether it be a walk of faith together or alone... But I prefer it together! =P